Out of Darkness
by Luna Rosa
Summary: Remus Lupin has exiled himself from the wizarding world, unable to deal with the pain of the second war but a near fatal accident reacquaints him with the past and he realises that some old friends may be more in need of him than he thought.
1. Prologue

Title: **Out of Darkness**  
Author: Luna Rosa  
Feedback:   
Fandom: Harry Potter  
Summary: Remus Lupin has exiled himself from the wizarding world, unable to deal with the pain of the second war but a near fatal accident reacquaints him with the past and he realises that some old friends may be more in need of him than he thought.  
Status: WIP, prologue to nine chapters.  
Archive: SB/RL mailing list, Azkaban's Lair. Anywhere else; just ask.  
Rating: PG13 - NC17 (eventually)  
Originally posted: lovegrrl. Disclaimer: Unfortunately these characters do not belong to me. I am just practising my Imperius Curse on them (shhh).

Dedications: (if any) Much thanks has to go to my dear friend and partner in HP crime, Maple Shy. I would never have finished this story if not for her constant encouragement. Beta thanks goes to Clara who is the faster beta I've _ever_ seen. Thanks.

Author's note: I've been on somewhat of a sabbatical from fanfic for a while and it feels good to be back. Forgive cross post and Enjoy!

Title: Out of Darkness Prologue 

Remus Lupin pushed his long thin hands into his jeans pockets as he walked down Oxford Street. Summer in the city and the stifling heat wave of the last few days was already unbearable but still there was something about rush hour London that he had learned to love over the years. With all the people hurrying here and there, it was easy for him to get lost in the haze. He became anonymous for a short while. Even to himself.

He lived his life as a Muggle now, or at least as part of the Muggle world. He had discovered a little bookshop off Whitechapel road one day and stumbled into a decent enough job. It was tiring, but Remus found he craved the exhaustion that came at the end of the day and the money helped. The Muggle owners didn't even seem to notice when he took some time off and even if they did, they would hardly think of the _real_ reason behind his obvious excuses. Nothing as elaborate as the ones he told in school. He smiled as he thought of his mother. She had been so willing to give up everything for him. Would she think it strange that he was hiding himself in the world that had belonged to her? A world she had left behind when she married his father.

This Muggle life had been a place for him to run to; a place that was safe and simple in comparison to his _real_ life. It had been many years since Voldemort was defeated. Many years since he had been needed in his own world or more accurately, since he had wanted to be there. He had seen too much in his lifetime. Lost too many loved ones. When it came down to it, Remus felt old. He had turned forty three this year. Forty Three! He was sure he looked it.

The sun glinted off a large shop window as he passed and caught his eye, causing him to look into the reflective panes. His dark jeans were ratted around the ends, and a crumpled white shirt collar stuck out over the neck of a jumper he had rescued from the shop's lost and found. He might have looked like one of the city's many students were it not for the grey in his hair and the lines around his eyes. Old age had come to visit Remus Lupin and ended up staying for tea.

He didn't frequent London proper often, as he called it, except for his monthly trips to pick-up a stay fresh batch of Wolfsbane. The dingy little shop that supplied him was hidden behind an overflowing dumpster under Charing Cross Road. At least the potion was Ministry mandated now so he didn't have to pay for it, but he was sure the clerk was meant to take his details instead of just looking at him with distain. The first time he had drunk the potion from the shop he doubted if he'd ever wake up again and he hadn't cared either way. Now, he just gags slightly as the thick mixture goes down and realises Snape didn't make it taste bad just to torture him.

Remus smirked ruefully as he thought of the other man. He'd _never_ forgive him! Snape had been cleared of charges, Dumbledore managing to protect him even from beyond the grave. _What was it with that man and his inexplicable reasons for trusting obvious deviants in life_? But Remus knew what it took to kill a man and Snape had done it only too willingly. The Ministry had been taken in though, The _Prophet's_ front page screaming about it being a first, Dumbledore's portrait testifying at Snape's trial. It was a _farce_! People had been sent to Azkaban for less and Snape - _Snape -_ got off scot free on the word of a magically charmed portrait; even if it was Dumbledore's.

Remus noticed another oblivious pedestrian hustle pass him; her nose stuck in the pages of Ms Rowling's latest hardback tome of fiction. He felt his heart contract; a deep line burrowed its way into his forehead.

_How many of the books was that now_? he wondered.

He didn't blame Harry for talking to Joanne. Not really. He _had_ been surprised that Harry had chosen a Muggle writer but perhaps that was a wise choice in the end. Someone who wouldn't be caught up in the celebrity of being associated with the Boy Who Lived. Everybody had to deal with their emotions in some way, but part of him wished Harry had chosen someone else, someone who wasn't able to conjure up the wizarding world so completely.

No one could have guessed at the time what it would all lead to. How phenomenal the ' Harry Potter' series would become. Maybe someone should have stopped Harry. More and more Muggles were starting to notice things. The war had barely ended when the first book came out. The reality of Harry's fight against Voldemort had not yet been realised, but it had always been hard to say no to Harry. Once the dark-haired boy made up his mind, there were no questions. No way to stop him, even if it was dangerous. Even if it was fatal!

Remus hadn't read any of the books. He didn't need to study some bastardise version of himself to find out how the world saw him. Then again, Joanne only knew what Harry had told her, and Harry didn't know everything.

With a quick glance at the traffic, Remus crossed the street and jumped on a bus just as it pulled away from the curb. He had become used to Muggle transport in the last years. It soothed him. When he had wanted to disappear all those years ago, he hadn't been able to Apparate for fear of the Department of Magical Transportation tracking him. Now he just found comfort in the movement of the bus and the city passing outside the window.

The wizard dumped himself down on an upstairs seat and watched as the shop fronts strolled lazily by. Rush hour traffic! He would have been faster walking, but he was getting lazy these days. He laughed softly at himself; he was even taking on the Muggle idea that he was middle-aged.

His attention was peaked when he heard someone say his name a few seat behind him. Not the Muggle name he had assumed but his given name.

He slowly turned his head, half expecting, half afraid.

Three rows behind sat two girls in their early twenties. One with short brown hair and a t-shirt proclaiming the name of some Scottish band he'd heard of; the other with dark shoulder length hair, her skin suggesting something of eastern promise. Remus didn't recognise them but he soon realised they weren't paying any attention to him. They talked animatedly to each other, gesturing wildly with their hands. Remus turned away quickly but couldn't help listen to their conversation.

"When he showed up, I screamed," an excited voice exclaimed. "I only read the first six chapters so I'm a bit afraid about the silver hand. I'm trying not to think about it."

"What do you mean 'the silver hand'?" her friend asked. Remus could hear the confusion in her voice.

"Well, at the end of the last book, when Voldemort cut off Pettigrew's hand, he replaced it with a _silver_ one. And we _all_ know what silver does to werewolves!"

"Oh my god!" came the response. "I hadn't even _thought_ about that… So do you think it's Lupin that dies."

Remus felt his side spasm at a memory. He rubbed his palm along the scar he had received in the final battle, trying to sooth the phantom pain. He _should_ have died!

"I hope not, but he wasn't in the last book _at all_, then he shows up practically straight away in this one. It's just a bit _too_ obvious," she declared in a frank tone.

Remus felt anger rising inside of him as they spoke. He wanted to scream, wanted to turn around and _rip_ them to pieces. They were talking about _his_ life like it was just a bit of entertainment, a piece of fluff for someone to write about and distort. They _couldn't_ know the pain he had seen! The look on Harry's face when Sirius had fallen. The fear, loss, and anger that had gripped his own body within a matter of seconds. How hard it had been to hold Harry back, to hold his emotions back, when all he wanted to do was sprint towards the Veil himself. He couldn't let Sirius go!

Remus stumbled off the bus. Black spots clouding his eyes. He was gasping for breath; trying to regain control. Damn that book! Damn Joanne for writing it and damn Harry for letting her! Damn Bellatrix! Damn Voldemort! Damn Sirius and his inability to follow orders! Damn his need to protect Harry! Damn his bloody stubbornness!

Damn him for leaving!

Remus bent over grasping his knees. He panted heavily in the English sunshine, gulping in air until he could feel his body steadying again. Some pedestrians threw him strange looks as they strode by but Remus hardly noticed them. He lifted his head just in time to see the black cab swerve to avoid a cat which had wandered into the road. Remus barely had time to blink as the cab bore down upon him.

_Pain_!

Then blackness.

Remus could hear the echoes of distant voices.

They drifted drunkenly passed his ears. He struggled to open his eyes and could just make out the hazy blueness over the sky line.

As his breathing slowed everything started getting brighter, like it was being bleached over. Remus Lupin felt his head loll to one side, and he was gone.


	2. Chapter 1

Title: **Out of Darkness (1/9)**  
Author: Luna Rosa  
Feedback: Please, I love it.  
Fandom: Harry Potter  
Summary: Remus Lupin has exiled himself from the wizarding world, unable to deal with the pain of the second war but a near fatal accident reacquaints him with the past and he realises that some old friends may be more in need of him than he thought.  
Status: WIP, chapter on of nine.  
Archive, SB/RL mailing list, Azkaban's Lair. Anywhere else; just ask.  
Rating: PG13 - NC17 (eventually)  
Disclaimer: Unfortunately these characters do not belong to me. I am just practising my Imperius Curse on them (shhh).

Dedications: Beta thanks goes to Clara who is the faster beta I've _ever_ seen. Thanks.

Author's note: The beginning of a story that has been nearly two years bubbling away in my head. Remus-centric as I feell he is my moon brother.

**Chapter One **

"Remus, stop being such an arse and use your wand. You turned seventeen months ago," Sirius shouted across the tiny living room.

"I _would_ if I could bloody find it in this mess!" Remus scowled.

"Just be glad we're helping you, Padfoot," James chimed in. "This place is a bit of a dump."

"A _bit_ of a dump?" Peter snorted. "I've already found two rat nests."

"You should feel right at home then, Peter," Sirius teased. "And anyway, I don't see any of you with your own place."

"That's because none of us ran away from home," Remus said as he finally pulled his wand out from under a pile of mouldy curtains.

"Fuck this!" Sirius said throwing his brush into the paint tin. "I'm going for a pint!"

"I'll take care of everything from here," a calm young voice ordered.

"Doctor...?"

"Tennant," came the easy reply. "Now this is my patient, nurse, I think I can look after him for a _few_ moments." There was a teasing smile in the voice, an easy confidence that summoned some long ago place.

Remus moved at the voice. There was something altogether _too_ familiar about it. He opened his eyes and was instantly attacked by the riot of white all around him. It took a moment for his vision to adjust to the bright room. When it did he saw he was attached to so many tubes and machines he couldn't even count them all. His throat felt tight and his stomach was churning like he was about to get sick.

"Ah," the voice counselled, "nice to see you back with us." The voice lowered and moved closer. "Though it seems you might have left us altogether, Mr Lupin."

Remus jerked at his name. He blinked a few times and took in the face before him. Brown hair was better kept now; the boyhood chubbiness had given way to a certain charm in adulthood, but the face was unmistakable.

"N – Neville?" Remus choked and was met with a smile.

"Shh," Neville winked. "Doctor Tennant to you." The young man picked up Remus's chart and pretended to peruse it as he talked. "I'm working in St Mungo's now. We have a nifty little gadget which alerts us when a witch or wizard is brought in to a Muggle hospital... Imagine my surprise when the elusive Remus Lupin shows up in the Royal London Hospital." Neville turns at looks at his 'patient', his eyebrows raised in teasing reprimand. "A lot of people are worried about you, Professor."

"Neville, I can't..." Remus started but Neville quieted with a raised hand.

"Don't worry, I haven't told anyone where you are. I think that's your decision. I did have to bring along an Auror, however," Neville smiled apologetically as he indicated the man at the door. His back was to Remus and he was wearing a brown full length coat over a dark pair of trousers and a pair of scruffy runners. "Ministry policy," Neville explained. "He won't be a problem."

Neville frowned at the tubes running into Remus's body. "I think it'd be an idea to get you to Mungo's, though. The said they're going to cut you open this afternoon." Neville raised his eyebrows as if this was the most ludicrous thing he had ever heard.

Remus smiled, closing his eyes momentarily before nodding.

The Auror walked over took his hands out of his pockets and grasped the end of Remus's bed. He was slightly taller than Neville but his body was lean in comparison. Mid thirties perhaps, though it was hard to tell. Remus could feel an air of scraggy youth; his brown hair just over long. His Muggle clothes might have been described as student Victorian chic. Underneath the coat, he wore a battered suit and opened neck shirt exposing a brown button up vest. The clothes had a certain charm to them even though they looked like they'd been involved in a hippogriff stampede. When he spoke Remus realised he had a hint of Scottish accent to his attentive voice.

"Ready to make an exit?" he asked, his eyes resting on Remus and without waiting for a reply, he smiled as if enjoying himself.

After a quick look around to check no one was watching, he flicked his wand and the tubes recoiled from Remus's skin leaving him free to stand. This however was no easy task. He was weak from the drugs the 'doctors' had pumped into him. Neville muttered angrily under his breath as he tried to support Remus.

"Here, put your arm around my shoulder," Neville ordered. Remus smiled at the man. He seemed to have lost his childhood nervousness quite easily.

The Auror placed his own shoulder under Remus's other arm without question and supported him with a strong hand on Remus's waist. "There we are," he said, holding his body close. Remus leaned into his strength subconsciously.

Neville pulled out a green ball point pen with a heavily chewed lid and looked at his watch. "Grab the end of this," Neville ordered again, pointing the pen at Remus. "I've set it to activate at ten thirty nine, so we should be off any mome-"

Neville's words where cut off as Remus experienced a heavy tugging in his stomach. Feeling like he was going to vomit, Remus recalled the familiar sensation of a Port Key as he hurtled through space but when he felt the ground under his feet once more he couldn't steady himself.

He collapsed to the floor of the hospital ward in St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries.

The Auror was instantly at his side, his wand checking Remus for any immediate injuries.

Before Remus lapsed into unconsciousness once again, he heard Neville Longbottom barking orders as people scurried around and couldn't help but smile.

For the second time in as many days Remus woke in a hospital ward, but at least this time he felt better. His body was stiff. The pain in his chest had subsided, but his head was sounding a dull throb.

He groaned and raised his hand to his forehead. He could make out the stark whiteness of the room through his eyelids.

"Ah, back with the living, are we?" commented a voice from somewhere around him.

He managed to nod slightly as he tried to sit up. A firm yet soft hand pressed on his shoulders, holding him in place.

"Oh no you don't," the voice added and Remus realised it was a woman. "I'm not having you pass out again! Especially as you have friends who were willing to put their _own_ lives at risk to get you here."

The side of his bed dipped as someone sat down. Against better judgement he opened his eyes, frowning at the brightness of the room, and looked at his companion.

She was young, mid twenties Remus guessed, her face having grown recently enough out of adolescence. Her long brown hair was held back in a neat bun under her healer's hat but a few strands had escaped and were framing her plump cheeks. She smiled at him as she leaned back to pick up Remus's chart.

"Now lets see if it was all in vain, shall we?" She flipped through a couple of pages, tipping her wand to one chart or another. "I'm Healer Eliza Colporteur," she introduced. "Mr. Longbottom was pretty insistent that I keep a _special_ eye on you."

"He was?" Remus asked, trying to sit up again. Healer Colporteur gave him a stern look and he stayed where he was.

"Yes, he seemed to think you might wander off," she smiled, raising an eyebrow to suggest that it wouldn't happen on her watch. "I have to say, considering what was done to you I'm surprised you're even awake."

"_What was done to me_?" Remus repeated in confusion.

"The Muggle doctors couldn't figure out what was wrong with you so they pumped you full of all kinds of potions." Healer Colporteur frowned.

"They call them drugs... Muggle potions," Remus explained.

"Right," Colporteur answered, seeming to take a mental note of this new information. "Of course, they didn't do a jot of good so they decided to feed you more." She put the chart down on her lap and shook her head in disbelief. "Honestly! I don't think you'd have made it if it wasn't for your lycanthropic metabolism helping out."

Remus eyebrows involuntarily shot up at the easy statement of his condition.

"Well, at least you're in our care now." She stood again and placed his chart back at the end of his bed. "Dinner will be in an hour. If you need me I'll be right over there." She pointed to a desk at the far end of the room, smiled and began to walk away.

"Wait!" Remus called, finally having the energy to sit. She knew he was a werewolf! She had just slipped in into conversation as if it was as simple as being overly fit or healthy.

She turned back to him, lips tightening as she noticed him pushing himself up. She moved forward and rearranged his pillows until he was comfortably. "Stubborn one, aren't ya?" she said in a stern voice but the corner of her lips twitched.

"I wanted to ask," Remus started. "What you said about..." he stopped, unsure what he was going to say. Healer Colporteur sat on the bed again. Her face open and easy.

Maybe, Remus though, just _maybe_ things were different now. Maybe he wasn't a beast anymore. He'd had so little contact with the wizarding world; none at all worth talking about... maybe the war really had changed things. He thought about it, _wanting_ it to be true, hadn't he waited his whole life for it, and then he realised that it didn't matter right now. She obviously accepted him and there was something about her that reminded him of a group of friends he had long ago.

"Yes?" she asked.

"Your name?" Remus said, doing some quick thinking.

"Eliza Colporteur," she answered, thinking he hadn't heard.

"It means... well, it _used_ to mean seller of books."

She smiled, impressed. "You know your stuff, eh?"

"I was a teacher, once," Remus returned the smile. "If I had something to read."

"You should be resting," she interrupted, but seeing the pleading look in Remus's eyes she crumbled. "Fine! But if there's even a _moment_ when I think your getting worse I'll take them off you quicker then you can say Merlin's balls." Remus laughed as Healer Colporteur lifted herself from the bed. "Oh, and Mr. Longbottom said to inform him when you woke, but if your not up to visitors."

"No, it's fine. I've had worst visitors while under hospital restrictions." Remus smiled, his eyes glazing for only a moment before he bit back another memory.

"Righty-oh then." She tapped her fingers lightly on the end of the bed in a final farewell and tottered off to deal with the other patients.

Remus had already finished _Animagus Winter_ and was so engrossed in _The Dark Arts Outsmarted_ that he didn't hear the ward door open. It took two polite coughs and a quick shake of his shoulder before he finally looked up at his visitor.

"Oh dear." Remus failed miserably to hide his surprise. "I wouldn't be much good at this anymore," He held up the dart arts book, "letting people surprise me like that."

"Well, I never had any complaints. Actually, I loved your classes," the man smiled, pushing his glasses back up his nose.

"When did you get them?" Remus asked, looking at the gold rimmed frames.

"Oh," Neville exclaimed, suddenly realising he was wearing his spectacles. "They're just for work; the text can be a bit small sometimes," he explained, quickly taking them off and putting them in his top pocket.

He sat on a visitor's chair that appeared beside the bed and ran a reassuring hand through his hair. "So how are you doing? They are treating you well down here?"

"Splendid," Remus answered as he fixed his blanket. "I couldn't ask for more."

Neville smiled, conjuring up some tea for the both of them.

"So you work here." Remus said. "As a Healer?"

"Oh, no." Neville laughed. "I don't think that would be advisable. I couldn't fix a broken nose never mind anything else." Neville smiled as he poured the tea. "No, I'm in Research and Development, with a sideline in missing wizard detection, of course," he added with a quick smile to Remus. "We develop new potions and antidotes." He added two sugars into his tea. "I'm more Research to be honest, growing and cultivating plants. Stripping them down. Potions was never my strong point." He stirred his tea as he continued. "But y'know what? Last week we discovered Threstral sweat, sawbone and shrivelfig, mixed properly, will grow back whole limbs." Neville stopped stirring his tea in his excitement. "I mean, not just _bones_! So, you get your arm cut off? No problem, just use some... some," Neville grasped for a word, "_Limber-up_ and you'll have four limbs again before you know it." Neville smiled proudly before it turned into a thoughtful frown. "Of course, it does have a tendency to shrink your head ... and sometimes you'll grow a tail, but we're working on that."

"So you've been busy?" Remus said, laughing at Neville's eagerness.

"Yeah," Neville looked up, he smile faltering slightly. "And how have you been?"

"I've kept myself busy with this and that." Remus looked away, his eyes falling on the books Healer Colporteur had given him. "Nothing too exciting."

"I think we've had enough excitement for one lifetime," Neville said quietly, his fingers picking at some dried shrivelfig which had attached itself to his corduroy trousers. "Listen; there are some things I have to ask you. It's not my job, but I said all communication to you had to be cleared by me first," Neville looked at Remus, "to give you some time," he explained. "I thought... I _hoped_ it would be better coming from me than some anonymous Ministry drone."

"Right," Remus said cautiously. "What is it?"

Neville held his wand tightly and used a Summoning Charm. A moment later, a thick roll of parchment blasted through the doors, making Healer Colporteur jump with fright. Neville blushed when she shot him a reproving look but still caught the soaring parchment easily. He broke the seal and unfurled the scroll.

"'_Interrogation procedure upon capture of missing or unregistered lycanthropes_.'" Neville read with a frown. He looked up at Remus. "It's a bit outdated but it was either this or they wanted to take you up to Registry," Neville explained before scanning through the opening paragraphs. "Most of it is rubbish... 'Guidelines on restraints'... 'Marks of transformations'... '_Branding methods'_! Bloody bastards," Neville exclaimed and Remus was sure that Neville indignation had just made him feel better than all the Honeydukes chocolate in Hogmeade.

Neville ripped away the top page viciously and stared at its brother. Remus leaned forward to see a long list of numbered questions. He'd gone through this before when his parents brought him to the Registry after he'd been bitten. He was small and frightened, but that didn't stop the officer from grabbing him roughly and strapping him into a large steel chair. It had reminded Remus of the chairs he'd seen in books about Muggle jails. The chairs prisoners would be strapped into before they were killed. Remus's father had turned purple with anger and his mother had begun to cry again, but the officer just continued as if no one had made a noise.

Remus sighed, "Two hundred and seven questions to ask the new werewolf, right?"

Neville looked down the scroll, "Two hundred and nine, actually," the man frowned again. "Look we don't have to do this now. You only woke up today and -"

"Question one, Neville," Remus prompted, his voice empty of emotion.

Neville pulled out a quill from the inside pocket of his robes and placed it under the words as he read, " 'One. Name and beast number (if any) of admitted werewolf.' "

"Remus Lupin, 4-5683-72," Remus answered automatically.

Neville looked up, "Umm... they want your _full_ name," a small smile played on Neville's lips which he tried to repress.

Remus pursed his mouth, "Remus John Lupin... Happy?"

"Count yourself lucky," Neville said. "Mine's Humperdink." Remus tried to hold it back but a moment later a laugh erupted from his chest. "All my beloved gran's idea! I'm sure she'd turn in her grave if she knew how much I hated it."

Remus stopped laughing abruptly and Neville met his gaze, knowing the compassion in his old teacher's eye only too well. "Last year," Neville explained. "She'd just seen me get promoted so I think she figured it was time to let go."

Remus shook his head in disbelief. Another of the old crowd gone. "I'm sorry, Neville. She was a good woman."

" 'Two,' " Neville continued, his voice shaking slightly, " 'Registered address of admitted werewolf.' "

The questions went on and on. The lunch trolley came and went and when Remus started yawning Neville wanted to leave the questions for another time, but the werewolf insisted. He learned a long time ago that it made no sense to put these things off. He had to deal with it sooner or later, so he preferred to get it over and done with.

Soon after the last question Healer Colporteur bustled over, and _demanded_ that Neville let her change Remus's bandages. The light in the room had started to dim and as Neville stood he stretched his limbs out; working the stiffness out of them.

"Okay," Neville conceded with a yawn, "but _he_ was the one who insisted on finishing." Neville said he'd send scroll up to the Registry. "And Eliza," he added turning to the healer. "Don't forget about dinner."

A slight hue raised on the Healer's cheeks before she pulled the screens around Remus's bed. "Oh, that one," she commented after Neville left, "tries to buy me off with dinners and chocolates, but I know his game." She spoke tersely but as her gentle fingers replaced Remus's bandages he noticed a smile.

The next day Remus was feeling much better. Whatever drugs the Muggles had given him had left his system and the wounds on his chest where the car hit him now blended in with others he had received over the years.

The Head Healer had been to see him and was more than willing to release Remus the next morning. Remus realised it was probably more to do with the full moon in four days. They had been giving him his daily dose of Wolfsbane and knew he had somewhere he could safely secure himself, having done so for years.

So on his last evening in St. Mungo's Remus sat propped up in bed reading the _Daily Prophet's _headlines and filling out a particularly difficult crossword.

The door at the end of the ward swung open and Remus looked up in interest.

At the far end of the room stood a witch in dark red robes. She scanned the room; parchment clasped in her hand. Before a Healer could approach her, she began to stride down the ward. It wasn't until she was almost upon him that he recognised her.

"Oh, Remus," she said, flinging her arms around the recovering man. "I knew it was you. I mean, it _had_ to be, didn't it? When I saw the file, I mean..." She pulled back finally, her face beaming. "I could just _kill_ Neville for not telling me!"

"I doubt I've felt so missed in my life," Remus beamed as another old student took a place at his beside. "But it's not Neville's fault, I asked him not to say."

"But _why_? Surely you didn't think we be mad at you or..."

"There are _other_ reasons people don't want to be found, Hermione," Remus answered softly and was surprised by the suddenly tearful expression filling Hermione's face.

"Yes," she said softly, pulling at the sleeve of her robes. "I guess you're right. It's just difficult for those left behind to figure out what they might be." She took a calming breath before looking up again, her smile back in place, "but you're here now and I'm so delighted, Remus."

Please review.


	3. Chapter 2

Title: **Out of Darkness (2/9)**  
Author: Luna Rosa  
Feedback:  
Fandom: Harry Potter  
Summary: Remus Lupin has exiled himself from the wizarding world, unable to deal with the pain of the second war but a near fatal accident reacquaints him with the past and he realises that some old friends may be more in need of him than he thought.  
Status: WIP, chapter two of nine.  
Archive: SB/RL mailing list, Azkaban's Lair. Anywhere else; just ask.  
Rating: PG13 - NC17 (eventually)  
Disclaimer: Unfortunately these characters do not belong to me. I am just practising my Imperius Curse on them (shhh).

Dedications: Beta thanks goes to Clara who is the faster beta I've _ever_ seen. Thanks.

Author's note: Life has a funny way of telling us when we're needed.

**Chapter Two **

Hermione sat with Remus and they talked about what she'd been doing in the last years. She worked in the Ministry of Magic's Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures.

Remus could feel a cheeky smile pulling at his lips as she talked enthusiastically about the policies which she was proposing to the CMC committee; recognition of house-elves equality status, decriminalisation of unwizarding acts, "defined in the 1297 Statute of Wizarding Constitution as being _any_ feat deemed to promote young wizards and witches to do naughty things!" and reclassification of all part-human creatures including, _but not limited to_, vampires, hags, werewolves, giants, and veela.

"I wasn't sure about working for the Ministry after..." she trailed off but he knew she meant 'after the war'. "Then I thought; who were _they_ to tell us what to do? To act like some people are _better_ than others after seeing what those kinds of ideas _started_ in the first place. I figured the way to make changes was from the inside. This is... this is _really important_!" she looked just as earnest as she had back in her third year and Remus remembered all over again what a astounding woman Hermione Granger was.

"Sounds like you've been busy?" Remus smiled when she finally took a sip of the peppermint tea Healer Eliza had brought over to them.

"Mmmm," Hermione answered thoughtfully and he noticed a frown form on her forehead. "There's something else. Something I wanted to ask you about. When I heard you were here... I didn't just want to barge in and..." she trailed off.

"And what, Hermione?" he prompted when she didn't continue. She seemed to be doing that a lot.

"It's just... something's happened. I thought you might know, or at least have an idea... Ron said I shouldn't worry but..." she was playing with her sleeve again.

"And what does Harry think?" Remus asked as he leaned forward and placed a comforting hand on Hermione's knee.

Her eyes shot up and seemed to pierce right through Remus, a tear building on the edge of her eyelid, as if his last words had just knocked the life out of her.

"But that's just it!" she gasped. "I don't know _what_ Harry thinks."

A loud bang rang through the room and Remus's eyes shot up to see another figure crashing into the ward; the door thrown open so violently that the hinges were now jammed.

This visitor hardly even paused before sprinting down the room towards Remus's bed. Hermione, quick as a flash, was off her feet and met the visitor halfway.

"He _doesn't_ know, Ginny!" she said, her voice tinged with pleading as she grasped her friend's arm firmly. "Calm down, okay?"

"_Bollocks_ he doesn't know," the youngest Weasley exclaimed, straining to get away from her friend. "Too much of a coincidence if you ask me!"

She grabbed Hermione by the arms and forced her eyes to Hermione's. "But you _didn't_ ask me, did you? Just came sauntering down here for a cosy little _chat_!" Her eyes flew to Remus. They sparked dangerously and didn't leave Remus's face as she asked Hermione. "Did you ask him? Did you even _bloody_ ask him!"

"Think straight, Ginny," Hermione pleaded, "This is _Remus_ we're talking about."

Ginny wasn't listening. She had already pushed Hermione aside with the strength built up over years of being the only girl in a family of boys.

She stalked over to Remus's bed and stared down at him. her fists clenched and her eyes aflame. Remus realised it had been a long time since he had been made to feel so small and defenceless by just a pair of eyes.

"Where is he?" she demanded. "I _know_ you kept in touch. Even owls sent in the middle of the night can be noticed, you know?"

"Owls?" he frowned. "Ginny, I haven't heard from any-"

She moved her face dangerously close to his. "I'm not _blind, _Remus. I'm not _stupid_!"

"Ginny!" Remus exclaimed, holding his hands up in defence. "I _never_ thought you-"

"Don't act all innocent. What do you take me for?" she demanded. "Some kind of ploy, is it? You showing up on the radar again. Some kind of alibi."

"Alibi?" Remus said becoming more confused. His eyes flicking to Hermione for answers before going back to Ginny. "For what? What do you suppose I've done?"

"I swear to god, if you know _anything_," Ginny threatened, but her voice was starting to crumble.

Remus didn't have time to respond before Hermione was pulling Ginny back from the bed. "I told you. He doesn't know." She turned Ginny's head forcibly to make her look away from Remus. "He _doesn't_!"

Something seemed to snap in Ginny as Hermione looked at her. Remus saw the ginger head fall and her face crumble. "But he _has_ to," she whimpered. "Someone has to know. He can't just be gone." Ginny wrapped her arms around Hermione and began to sob into her robes.

Remus met Hermione with his eyes, demanding answers.

Hermione closed her eyes and explained in a low whisper, so as not to upset Ginny any more than necessary. "It's Harry," she said, "he's disappeared."

He wasn't meant to be out of bed but what else could he do. Harry was missing! He fired questions at Hermione as he packed.

"When was he last seen?"

"Two weeks ago, in Hogsmeade."

"Two _weeks_!" Remus spun around to stare at her. "What the bloody hell have the Ministry been doing for _two weeks_!"

"They won't take it seriously that he's in danger. They said he's gone missing before and turned up okay. They'd know if _Harry Potter_ was in danger."

" 'They'd _know'_," Remus repeated as he took in the information. "So they've been keeping an eye on him, a locator spell or-"

"That's what we thought," Hermione interrupted as she started to pace. "Tonks confirmed it when we talked to her but they lost it a week ago. He was in Godrics Hollow then so we still weren't too worried. He'd been taking a lot of time to himself lately. After all the trials ended he felt," she stopped herself at these words and rethought them. "I _think_ he felt lost. For half his life all he'd known was Voldermort, and then... it was all over."

"So we know where he was a week ago, that's a start," Remus began.

"No we don't," Ginny cut in now, her voice wet but steady through her tear stained face. "It was a decoy. He'd gone there, alright," her voice tinged with something bitter, "but only to set up a spell, like an echo. He knew they were watching," she paused. "Or if he didn't know he had a pretty good idea. He was trying to mislead them. I found the residuals when I went to find him."

"_Residuals_? So the spell... _died?_" Remus said, his voice shaking. He suddenly understood Ginny's anger, her pain. He slumped onto the bed. "A spell only dies if-"

"-if the caster moves to a magically secure environment," Hermione continued, "or if..." she glanced at Ginny.

"_No_!" Ginny said, standing up again. "_Don't_ say it, Hermione. You _know_ it's not true."

"I don't want it to be, Ginny, but-"

"No!" more steel in her voice now. "_I _know it's not true. I know because I can feel him. I can _feel_ he's still alive." She grabbed the front of her gown as she spoke. "He saved my life. He saved it in many ways, but that one time, in the Chamber, he _saved_ me. I have a Life Debt to him. I've felt it since then, felt it everyday and I _feel_ it now." Tears were welling in her eyes again even though her voice never cracked.

"You can hypothesise all you want Hermione but this _isn't_ about books and brains. This is about _life_!" Her breathing was heavy, she looked about ready to collapse but she turned to Remus instead. "And you feel it too, don't you?" her tone was accusatory, desperate.

He didn't look up at her, didn't dare! If he did he wouldn't be able to stand again; wouldn't be able to walk out of this hospital and do what _had_ to be done.

His eyes on the floor, tears threatening, he gave the slightest nod. He heard Ginny release a deep lungful of air that must have been keeping her upright because a second later she collapsed into the chair behind her.

Hermione looked from one to the other. "You... Remus, you can feel him?" Confusion mixed with hope to give her voice an almost drained tone. "How..."

Remus shook his head. He couldn't talk about it. She hadn't been there. She hadn't seen what happened.

"I mightn't have been the bravest man these last years, Hermione, but if I'd known he was in danger..." he pulled back the images springing to his mind. Images of Harry crumpled on the ground, bloodied and lifeless. "I wouldn't have hesitated."

_That_ battle, the one that had changed his life forever. They'd been caught unawares. Harry and he had been trying to destroy one of the Horcruces.

When Harry, Ron and Hermione had first come to him and told him about the Horcruces he could hardly imagine it; he might have laughed at them if their faces hadn't been so damn serious. Maybe he laughed anyway, he couldn't remember now. They told him about Voldermort splitting his own soul to achieve immortality; told him how the pieces had been sealed into items which interested The Dark Lord and hidden, perhaps in Britain, perhaps further afield, they didn't know.

He was sure he felt a small piece of his own soul die when Harry told him what Voldermort had planned for the night he killed James and Lily. How callously he would have treated the death of two of Remus's friends. And, for the first time he thought how mad these three must be. These _children,_ who were going to take on the might of Voldermort and his followers almost single-handedly. But in the midst of the pain and the horror, he had _believed_ them. And so, once again, he was invited into the inner circle of a fight that few would envy.

The task, difficult though it was, wasn't completely hopeless. They already knew the Ring had been destroyed start thanks to Dumbledore; the Diary thanks to Harry. They assumed about Nagini. Hufflepuff's cup had been found in a far flung part of Asia thanks to Bill. He had seemed rather proud of himself about that one even though Ron had never told him what it really meant. Only a handful of the Order had been let in on the information and Remus, whether he liked it or not, was one of them.

But Slytherin's locket eluded them. For all they knew it had already been destroyed but they couldn't be sure. Harry seemed to hold it as some omen. The loss it had already caused. Causing the death of Dumbledore, as Harry saw it, and allowing Voldemort to extend his own seemed to torment the Boy Who Lived beyond all else. The replacement - the useless, cheap _fake -_ became a sinister talisman to Harry. He carried it in his pocket, would turn it in his hand as he thought, the chain winding around his fingers like a metallic snake.

Remus had almost lost hope of finding the last two Horcruces. They kept thinking 'the locket and something of Ravenclaws' that's what Dumbledore had said, that's what fitted the puzzle. Then one day, just after Christmas, Ginny had wandered upon Remus in the Burrow (Molly insisted on having him over for all the celebrations now, Christmas, birthdays, it was getting quite tiring if he told the truth). She had a book clasped in her chest but seemed preoccupied by her own thoughts. Remus noticed the title was _A Guide to Medieval Sorcery_. Hogwarts might be closed but Molly would be damned if she allowed her children to fall behind none-the-less, especially given the times.

He was reading and only looked up momentarily before delving back into an entirely boring account of the early life of Rowena Ravenclaw. Ginny seemed to hover in a completely uncharacteristic way. He hadn't seen her acting this timid since he taught at Hogwarts; the year after the Diary had been destroyed. That thought made him look up sharply.

"Ginny?" he asked laying the book aside. "Are you okay?"

"Mmm," she hummed distractedly, not making eye contact with him but idly looking at the bookshelf, her finger momentarily touching one book or another. "I just... I'm trying to figure something out."

"What is it?" he asked, struggling to keep the worried concern out of his voice.

"I was thinking about the people, I mean the ones who have been killed or gone missing. Most of them seem to make sense, Amelia Bones because she was head of Law Enforcement. Emmeline Vance because of her position in the Order... it's not nice to say but it makes sense why they were targeted. Then," she paused for a moment; her head turned to the side, "then Ollivander went missing." Her face flickered with confusion.

"Wands, Ginny, it's that simple," Remus repeated the same summation for the redhead as he had come to himself. "Wizards with no wand are just as vunerable as Muggles... more so."

She was pacing back and forth now as she thought; something he'd seen Hermione do countless times.

"Yes, that's _logical_," she conceded, her voice becoming harder now, "but it doesn't make sense. Ollivanders' wasn't the only wand maker in Britain. It was the best, the oldest, I remember thinking it amazing that they was older than Hogwarts. How could _anything_ be older than that, right?" she threw Remus a cheeky smile before continuing, "but not the _only_ one. Taking him out doesn't mean wizards can't buy wands. It _doesn't_ leave us defenceless," she turned to Remus now, and he could see her beginning to put it together. "So it had to be something else, some other reason Voldemort wanted him out of the way. Something Ollivander knew or... or..." she turned to look at Remus her eyes wide. "Something he knew _about_, or something he had, something _only_ he could have!"

"What is it, Ginny?" Remus asked, standing now as he noticed the colour seem to drain from Ginny's face.

She threw the book she was holding aside and began frantically searching the bookcase. She eventually pulled out _Achievements in Charming_ and scrambled through the pages. Frantically looking for something.

"There were so many of them maybe he wouldn't notice right away, maybe he had it somewhere for safe keeping. Gringotts, or..." She finally stopped on a page and ran her finger down it until reaching a footnote added in miniscule writing.

She turned the book around and handed it to Remus, her finger still pointing to the minute text.

Remus gave her a confused look but took the book. Bringing it into the light of the window where he had been sitting. She followed and stood beside him while he read.

_67 It is interesting to note that Hogwarts Founder and accomplished Gobstones player, Rowena Ravenclaw, a third cousin five times removed from Flavius Ollivander, founder of Ollivanders wand makers, experimented herself in her early years with some unusual wand combinations. There are no certified examples of her work surviving to date although her estate reverted to the Ollivanders after her death in 1073 leaving no spouse or heirs._

"I remembered something from that year... when Tom was talking to me," she said.

Remus had never heard her refer to him as anything but Tom when she mentioned that part of her life.

"I was upset because one of the Ravenclaw girls said dragon heart strings were a _boys_ wand core and that's what I had - what I have," she corrected. "Tom said a wand's core is what brings out your true spirit. He said I should be _proud_ of my dragon heart." She half-smiled. "That was before he had me killing the roosters," she added darkly.

Remus read over the passage again. "_Unusual wand combinations_," he murmured. "He'd like that." Remus looked up from the book his gaze uncertain. "_Brings out your true spirit_." His words half formed in the disquieting stillness of the room. "Phoenix tail feather, born from the ashes of death." Remus felt his heart beginning to race.

"I'm right, aren't I?" Ginny asked with both fear and excitement. It was only then Remus noticed she was clinging to his arm. His own senses seemed to have deadened as he read the text.

"Quickly," he said, finally putting the book down but being careful to mark the page. "Get Harry and the others, we need to talk."

"What will I tell them?"

"Tell them what you told me. Tell them you found the sixth Horcrux!"

Remus was pulled from his memory as Hermione sat on the bed beside him. She was still taking in the truth of the situation. He had never told anyone about the Life Debt, never spoken about what had happened that night that made him leave. Forced him into flight.

Ginny tugged her own robes tightly around her and Remus noticed the harsh look on her face give way to something more sympathetic.

"Sorry, Remus," she said in a whisper but her eyes were still staring at the floor. "I never meant to accuse you... no one was listening and when you showed up..." she frowned. "I've learned over the years that coincidences are _never_ just that!" She pushed a loose strand behind her ear. "You... you always believed in me, I should have done the same for you."

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	4. Chapter 3

Title: **Out of Darkness (3/9)**  
Author: Luna Rosa  
Feedback:  
Fandom: Harry Potter  
Summary: Remus Lupin has exiled himself from the wizarding world, unable to deal with the pain of the second war but a near fatal accident reacquaints him with the past and he realises that some old friends may be more in need of him than he thought.  
Status: WIP, chapter three of nine.  
Archive: SB/RL mailing list, Azkaban's Lair. Anywhere else; just ask.  
Rating: PG13 - NC17 (eventually)  
Disclaimer: Unfortunately these characters do not belong to me. I am just practising my Imperius Curse on them (shhh).

Dedications: Beta thanks goes to Clara who is the faster beta I've _ever_ seen. Thanks.

**Chapter Three **

Healer Colporteur stopped them as they were about to leave the ward.

"Thank you for everything you have done for me, Eliza," Remus smiled, hearing the tempered steel in his voice, "but I _am_ leaving!"

She looked from Remus to the valise in Ginny's grasp, and the steadying hand Hermione had placed under Remus's elbow as he walked. She turned back to him, her face showing nothing but care and compassion.

"I'm not here to stop you, Mr. Lupin," the healer assured placing a hand on Remus's arm. "I just ask you wait a moment. Mr. Longbottom is on his way. He wishes to take you where you need to go." She winked knowingly and indicted a number of seats inside the door.

Remus felt Hermione move him to the chairs but Ginny took a step towards the Healer and spoke in lowered tones.

"They know each other?" Remus asked Hermione as he sat.

Hermione looked over at the two women. "Oh yes," Hermione said, "You'll remember Ginny was the Orders unofficial healer in those last months?"

Remus nodded. She'd patched him up on more than one occasion.

"After the end," Hermione continued, "she took it as a crusade more than anything. She was in here most days. Checking on patients, making sure they were getting what was needed and if they _weren't,_ she'd kick up a fuss about how our war hero's were being sidelined for a Quidditch accident or a magical bug." Hermione smiled at the girl. "She can be quite scary when she's worked up."

"I've noticed," Remus smiled, turning to look at Hermione just as the smile melted from her face.

"It's just her way of dealing with everything," Hermione sighed. "After the war... Harry was so distant. They were close, but I think he was afraid of what might happen to her because of that. He always wanted to save everyone." Hermione took a deep breath, her eyes never leaving Ginny. "And if she was busy with _this,_ she didn't have to think about what happened to Charlie," the words caught in her throat for a second, "or George."

Remus's memory hit him like a bludger. The attack on the twins had been frontline news. Notorious in the publics' eye as the proprietors of Weasleys Wizard Wheezes but known in the underground of Death Eaters as aligned with the Order and supplying many of the Orders more successful gadgets and diversions. They were an obvious target, but when the attack came it had shook many of the youngsters in the wizarding community as an attack on themselves.

It had been the night of 31st March. Dead of night. The shops of Diagon Alley had closed hours ago and their owners were tucked up in bed, sleeping as soundly as wartime allowed.

Remus was woken abruptly from his bed when the Orders warning went off just before midnight. An emergency system Hermione had worked out using auto-Apparation and locator spells on wand cores. Twenty second later, he was Apparating in to an unknown location and a situation he knew nothing about. The first thing he saw was a stream of red heading his way. He just managed to deflect the stunning spell a moment before Kingsley and Tonks showed up.

He hadn't been in the private quarters of Wealeys Wizard Wheezes before and the only reason to think he was now was a red haired figure lying disorientated and blood soaked on the floor while his twin stood over him, wand raised and shouting spells like a banshee at the four or five masked figures silhouetted in the half light.

Remus managed to dodge another spell and sent out a Knee Reversing Hex which caught the perpetrator on the shoulder sending him to the ground with a painful cry. Remus didn't have time to care before making his way to the standing twin.

Kingsley was shooting chains from his wand at two Death Eaters while Tonks barraged a further two with some nifty spell work.

"What happened?" Remus shouted as a bookcase in the corner was hit with a Lightning Spell and shattered.

"George was checking the wards when they bust in," Fred explained sending the one who tried to hex Remus into a spin. "He just had time to call me before they started attacking." Fred hardly flinched as a Slicing Spell flew by him and cut his cheek open, blood pouring freely. "He can't move his legs and I think they blinded him."

Remus took a second to look behind him at the fallen twin who was holding himself up on his elbow. His blood stained face frowning in concentration. A deep line dug between closed eyelids that looked too shallow. They'd blown his eyes out!

"It's just us," Fred shouted. "I couldn't call everyone."

Remus heard Tonks scream his name and turned just in time to duck another Stunning spell sent by the Death Eater he'd hit earlier. He noticed a look of defiance in the man's eyes before a snap of Apparation signalled his departure. One down, that meant even odds and they'd survived worse.

"We're more than a match," Kingsley boomed as a Binding spell from Tonks took care of another one. Remus saw a determined smile rise to her lips.

The other Death Eaters made it to the stairs and down to the back of the shop drawing the attention of the Order members. Fred staying behind to tend to his brother.

"They can't win," Tonks screamed in confusion as she followed them. "Why don't they just Apparate?"

Remus was a step behind her but seemed to hear the words forming on the Death Eaters lips.

Tonks had just reached the bottom of the stairs and realisation dawned on Remus's face a second too late. He saw the blinding green light burst from the end of the Death Eaters wand. The Auror raised her own wand instinctively as Remus shouted, "Tonks!"

A crack of Apparition, a body thudded to the floor and Remus froze in shock as Kingsley pushed passed him and chased the remaining Death Eaters into the Alley where they Disappearated.

Tonks fell to her knees, her back to Remus, and grasped at the robes of her fallen comrade. Someone had Apparated in at the last moment. He hadn't had time to see what was coming at him. Remus wondered if perhaps it was better that way.

"No," she murmured. "You stupid, _stupid_ man!" Her voice was heavy with tears as she pulled his wand from his lifeless hand and sent out a signal to the whole Order.

It told them Charlie Weasley was dead.

Neville escorted Remus from St. Mungo's, signing off on the mountainous paperwork needed to release the patient early, and they travelled to Hogsmeade. It was the last place Harry had been seen and as good a place to start as any. Remus took a room in The Tree Broomsticks and settled the few things he'd retrieved from his small Muggle flat which after only a few days looked strangely alien to him.

Later, over drinks in the pub, he began to piece things together with Neville, Ginny and Hermione.

"So he was seen here a week ago," Remus recounted, "But the Echo Spell in Godric's Hollow was a month old?"

"At least," Ginny put in, turning her goblet of Butterbeer on the wooden table. Her eyes downcast.

"He'd been visiting Hogwarts a lot in the last year," Hermione explained, with a concerned look in Ginny's direction. "So it wouldn't be strange to see him here."

"Why Hogwarts?"

"Not just Hogwarts," Neville added. "He was in the Hospital reference section and the Ministry's public archives as well."

"Said he was thinking about taking his Newts, when I asked," Ginny elaborated, "But he never did. Could've taken them last month!"

"Does anyone know what he was looking at?"

"That's just it!" Hermione exclaimed. "Nothing links up. Madam Pince isn't sure _exactly_ what books he read but he was looking all over; Restricted section, Historical Britain, Wizarding Biographies, Beings and Has-Beens."

Ginny shivered at this. "Why they write biographies about ghosts, I don't know."

"Just because they're dead it doesn't mean they're useless," Hermione sermonised. "Look at Nick and Peeves. They were very helpful when we were in school. It's just what I was telling the Ministry's Ghost Division. If they _really_ want to show non-corporal beings the respect-"

"He talked to some of the Professors as well," Neville interrupted with a quick apologetic glance at Hermione. "Sinistra, Sprout, Firenze, even Trelawney if you'll believe that!"

"Didn't think he liked her," Remus commented.

"He doesn't," Ginny agreed. "And he was so wound up after seeing her he wouldn't talk to anyone for a week."

"Probably just predicted his death again," Neville joked before noticing a sharp look from Ginny. "I didn't mean... _Ginny_, Trelawney's a fraud, you know that."

"Not completely," Remus frowned. "She'd made some predictions; about Voldemort, about Harry, that turned out to be true."

They sat in silence for a moment. The few summer time patrons of the pub bustling and chatting around them. Remus felt the tiredness he had been fighting for the last few hours finally catch up with him. He'd been hit by too many memories over the last days and he needed some sleep.

"Why don't you rest, Remus," Ginny suggested placing a hand on his arm. "We can catch up again tomorrow."

"I think that's a good idea," he agreed, standing from the table. "I was thinking of going up to the school. Have a look around for anything that might help."

"I can come too," Neville offered. "I was meant to meet Professor Sprout to talk about using greenhouse seven. I can help you once I'm finished with her."

Remus nodded and said goodbye to his old students before trudging up the stairs. The room he'd taken was small enough; a large single bed, matching wardrobe and bedside cabinet and a small desk.

Remus sank heavily into bed after getting undressed and changing his bandages as Healer Colporteur had told him to do.

Harry was missing. Not dead as Remus had first thought, his own Life Debt to the boy had told him that, but perhaps in danger.

Remus noticed the fake locket around Harry's neck at the meeting about Ravenclaw's wand. The chain anyway, the actual locket was hidden in the folds of the worn t-shirt he was wearing. Remus was sure the boy hadn't worn it before and seeing it on him caused Remus concern. He looked up from Harry's neck to meet the boy's face. It was paler than before but showing eyes hard to any questions Remus might have.

Harry never took it off after that. He didn't even toy with it as he had in the past. His energy seemed to be more concentrated now. They knew the identity of the sixth Horcrux. Wands mightn't be the most durable magical creations but many wizards had the same wand their entire lives.

It was made from Ebony, unusual wand wood, and cored with what Remus thought was eagle feather though he couldn't be sure. Ollivander himself would have been able to tell them in a flash but they didn't trust asking another wand maker and hoped the identity of the core wouldn't interfere with destroying the Horcrux.

They theorised on everything from Phoenix fire to Bundimuns pus. Ron had even joked about chucking it at the Whomping Willow to see what happened. Hermione had laughed at that, but it sparked an idea in her, something about magic destroying magic.

Not destroying, she corrected, but one magic overpowering another. Hadn't Harry's own mother managed it? The power of her love had been greater than Voldemort's desire to kill... but what could they use to perform the task that was stronger than the power of a soul, even if it was only a fraction of a soul.

Remus and Ginny had delved into research; Hermione scoured old magical sites from lists she found in _History of Magical Britain;_ Harry and Ron scrutinised accounts of magical mishaps in Mungo's archive.

Spring turned to summer and the task seemed endless. Their only respite was a downturn in Order activity, which gave them some time to sleep at the end of the day.

It was when Remus was about to turn in unusually early one night that he had received another emergency summons on the Order's warning system.

He Apparated straight away and had nearly hexed the first person he saw until her lit wand revealed Hermione's bushy hair. The landscape bleeding into darkness not far from her feet.

"It's okay, Remus," she eased shakily. "I just needed to get you here."

"What is it?" he asked as he quickly scanned the scene. She was clinging to her copy of _History of Magical Britain_.

"We better wait for the others," she said, and a few moments later Harry, Ron and Ginny appeared. Their wands also raised in preparation. Ron's hair wet and his shirt half open.

"What the _hell_ were you thinking?" he half shouted when he realised she was okay. "I thought-" he frowned at her, his breath shallow and frightened. He wiped his face with the corner of his sleeve as Ginny's placed a comforting hand on his back.

"Sorry," she apologised again. "But there wasn't a safer way to get you here." She took a deep breath. "I had to show you."

Remus noticed her eyes drift over his shoulders to a spot behind him. He turned to see what had been so important.

The large granite (?) stones rose from the ground like ancient memorials to the sun. They stood twenty feet high (?) and circled around an invisible central point as if awaiting some heavenly deity. Remus could feel them calling to him; awaking something deep inside of him; some ancient primitive need. This was a place the druids had built.

He walked towards the stones and he could feel the power in the air; his wand vibrating with energy, the hair on the back of his neck standing on end.

Stonehenge. He had never been here before and the austere beauty of it astounded him.

Nearly four thousand years old and the stones energy had remained unreleased for two thousand years. It was a magical volcano. He knew, without even looking at the others, that this was the place. They were going to free its power.

It was to be done on summer solstice, preliminary wards would be put in place beforehand to keep Muggles away, but not until sunset would they destroy it. Harry had been adamant. It was the day when the light was most powerful, both in sun and in magic. He would destroy the wand alone and come to them with the broken pieces.

They had protested; Ginny accused him of being blindly heroic, Hermione said it would be safer with numbers, Ron said he was a bloody idiot if he thought any of them would let him go alone and Moody insisted that he took an Auror.

Harry had sat in stony silence and listened to all their words. He waited until their voices died and said only once, in a voice he seemed to be fighting, "I'll take Remus," before leaving the room.

That's why Harry and he were alone in Stonehenge as they waited for sunset. It was only then they would cast the spell that would trigger all the energy of the stones to focus on the wand and - they hoped - destroy it.

Harry said it was ironic one of Voldemort's Horcruces was a wand when it was his own wand that had nearly killed him before.

Remus agreed as he watched the sun slowly heading for the horizon. Then he asked Harry the question he'd been pondering the last two weeks, why he'd chosen Remus and not someone else.

"Would you believe me if I told you it was because of my mum and dad?" Harry asked, not looking at him. His voice solid. "They both died for me. Sirius died for me. Dumbledore." Harry stood, shaking his head. "I never asked them to and I never wanted them to. I'm not going to let anyone else die to protect me."

"And you think I wouldn't do the same, if it meant you could live?" Remus asked, hearing the hurt in his own voice.

"No," Harry answered shaking his head. "I'm sure you would." Harry looked down at the wand in his hand. "Moody asked me to bring an Auror." He paused now as if weighing exactly what he was going to say. "You mightn't be as trained as Kingsley... but it's two weeks from full moon and you're a werewolf. You're not as easy to kill as the others." There was apologetic steel in his voice. "You'd have a better chance... if things get bad."

Remus stared at Harry, and nodded, understanding the decision Harry had to make. "We'd better start," Remus said as the sun kissed the horizon. Harry nodded and they worked in silence except for the necessary spell to activate each stone's power.

With each spell Remus felt energy radiating from the stones. Pulsing, as if uncertain where to go.

Harry moved to the centre of the circle and placed the wand on a mound of exposed earth. He knelt there, looking almost lost at the task he was about to undertake.

"Remus?"

"Nearly ready, Harry," Remus replied misreading the tone in Harry's voice.

"Will you promise me something?" he said, not looking away from the wand.

Remus looked over at him, startled by the force of Harry's words.

"_Anything_," Remus answered.

"If something happens to me-" Harry looked up at him, his eyes warning Remus not to promise too soon.

"Harry-" Remus tried to interrupt but Harry continued regardless.

"If something happens and I can't do it. If you have a chance to kill Him." Harry jaw clenched and he looked away, his hold tightening around his wand.

"I'll do it!" Remus said taking a step forward.

Harry turned his head to meet Remus's gaze. His eyes filled with determination.

"I've asked you not to kill before," he said rigidly. "I was young then. I didn't know where it would lead. I won't make that mistake again."

Remus didn't say anything. He didn't have to. He looked at Harry silhouetted in the dying light. In the seconds before Harry stood, Remus could almost imagine the ghost of Lily's hand resting on the boys shoulder. Giving him the strength he needed.

Seconds from sunset they placed themselves on either side of the circle. Remus followed Harry's lead and raised his wand into the air, directing it at a point centred exactly above the Horcrux and waited for the signal before casting the last spell.

"_Simulemendo_."

The energy that had been pulsing around them now shot towards the sky from each stone in an endless stream of electric blue. Twelve jets of light intersected two hundred feet above Remus's head.

Slowly, the heart of the energy began to descend towards the centre of the circle where the wand lay.

Remus watched transfixed as it continued its path; the energy building to make a large pulsating ball. His eyes flickered to Harry bathed in blue light, his wand still pointing towards the ball as it gathered speed. Remus wondered for a second if Harry was actually _pulling_ it down.

A moment later and the energy made contact with the wand, there was an angry burst of sound, like radio static, and Remus felt momentarily blinded as the ball of light exploded, lifting him off his feet and hurling him against one of the standing stones. He would have thought he had been knocked out only he could still see the blue light through his eyelids.

He opened his eyes to check on Harry.

The boy was still standing but he _must_ have felt the blast. He was unsteady on his legs and blood coloured his right cheek, but his wand was still pointing towards the ball of light.

Remus stood and began to make his way over to him, steadying himself against the stones as he went. When he reached Harry he noticed the boy's eyes were dilated and his hand was shaking dangerously.

Looking towards the point where the dome of blue energy was consuming the wand Remus noticed it dying. He reached out his hand and touched Harry's shoulder.

The boy didn't move.

"It's done, Harry," he said, moving forward to place his hand on Harry's. "It's over. You can let go." He finally managed to lower Harry's wand and as he did the energy disintegrated until only a thin blue line of fire enclose the wand on scorched earth.

Harry's breathing was heavy as he wiped the sweat from his brow. "It's done?" he asked, and Remus noticed the first note of apprehension in Harry's voice for months.

"I'd say so," Remus replied and stepped forward to inspect the item. He felt a hand stop him and turned to look at Harry. "I'm the werewolf, Harry," he reassured.

Remus hadn't meant it as a jibe, but Harry's lip pursed and a frown covered his face. He looked about to speak but his head snapped suddenly to the left in alarm. Remus followed Harry's gaze but couldn't see anything.

"What is it?" he asked in a bare whisper.

"Heard something," Harry explained. "Sounded like-" he stopped abruptly.

This time Remus heard it too. A slithering moving mass just beyond the stones, an _unmistakeable_ sound; and then it came... a slow sinuous hissing just as her head came into view.

Nagini!

End Note: Sorry for the cliffhanger. Please review.


	5. Chapter 4

Title: **Out of Darkness (4/9)**  
Author: Luna Rosa  
Feedback:  
Fandom: Harry Potter  
Summary: Remus Lupin has exiled himself from the wizarding world, unable to deal with the pain of the second war but a near fatal accident reacquaints him with the past and he realises that some old friends may be more in need of him than he thought.  
Status: WIP, chapter three of nine.  
Archive: SB/RL mailing list, Azkaban's Lair. Anywhere else; just ask.  
Rating: PG13 - NC17 (eventually)  
Originally posted: My LJ: lovegrrl  
Disclaimer: Unfortunately these characters do not belong to me. I am just practising my Imperius Curse on them (shhh).

Dedications: Beta thanks goes to Clara who is the faster beta I've _ever_ seen. Thanks.

Author's note: To those who've been wondering about pairings... here it begins.

**Chapter Four **

Remus opened the door of his room the next morning to the apologetic face of Neville Longbottom.

"Sorry it's so early," he greeted. "I said I'd meet Professor Sprout before her morning watering."

"I was awake anyway," Remus replied, looking away when he saw concern on Neville's face. He didn't want to talk about the nightmares.

"Not sleeping badly?" Neville asked.

Remus was sure he was taking in the already made bed and wondering if it had been slept in.

"Just a new bed to get used to," Remus explained breezily. "Shall we go?"

The sun was rising from the horizon, stretching their shadows on the ground beside them. It didn't take long before they were passing under the stone winged boars that guarded the gates of Hogwarts.

The grounds had an eerie feel to them. Summertime must always be like this, Remus thought. There was a distinct absence of something in the air that would usually be filled by the screams and catcalls of students.

The castle loomed before them and Remus felt a smile climbing to his lips. Perhaps it was normal to feel so affectionate about your old school. Remus didn't know, but it felt good to be back if only for a short time.

Neville bid him farewell inside the front doors, heading for the greenhouses and Remus began to climb the stairs towards the library. He had just reached the second floor when he met a familiar face.

"Well, hello to you too," he greeted the suspicious frown with a smile.

She didn't seem to like that.

"Come here then," he said, bending down to pick her up for the first time in his life. "Can't get me into detention anymore, can you?" he purred, stroking her fur.

"Fraternising with the staff now, are we?" came a familiar voice from behind him and he turned to greet it with a smile.

"Nothing of the sort, Minerva. Just reacquainting myself with old enemies." He finally let Mrs Norris free and she streaked off down the corridor. Probably in search of Filch none-the-less. "Old habits die hard, eh?" he called after her before turning back to the headmistress.

"The same could be said of you, Mr Lupin," Minerva charged with a smile. "You should know better than to wander the corridors without permission."

"It good to see you too, Minerva," he ribbed. "I wasn't expecting a welcoming committee."

"I have learned some of the school tricks over the last years," she told him with a grin but her expression changed quickly to something more sober. "I suppose you're here to see Madame Pince?"

Remus nodded in reply. The headmistress let out a sigh and began walking up the stairs towards the library. Remus followed beside her.

"Yes, I thought as much. Miss Granger was already here, as I'm sure you know, but couldn't find anything substantial. I can't help thinking that perhaps he doesn't want to be found. He had no problem making his presence known in the past."

"Whether he liked it or not," Remus added.

"Hmmm," she agreed mournfully. "I often wonder if perhaps Albus was a little too indulgent with him. I was as fond of the boy as he was, but I think we forgot too quickly that he was just that; a boy."

"He was never _just_ a boy," Remus corrected. "Harry knew that. As much as he wanted a normal life he knew it was impossible. Not while Voldemort was around."

She stopped walking as they reached the library door and turned to look at him. "And what about now?" she asked grimly. "Do you think _this_ is normal?" Remus could only suppose she meant his disappearance.

"No, Minerva," he frowned, "but I made a promise to his parents. I made a promise to his godfather." He paused as he saw her face soften but forced himself to continue. "And even if I didn't, I owe Harry more than I can ever repay him."

"Is _that_ why you left?" her usual stern look appraising him.

No one had questioned him on his absence yet and he hadn't expected Minerva's words. He took a sharp breath and stood there, eyes wide with surprise. No convincing answer coming to mind.

"He had already lost enough people in his life, Remus. I was surprised you left when you had a chance to stay. Many others didn't get that choice," She added as she walked away.

Remus watched until she was out of sight. Minerva McGonagall certainly had a way of cutting a man down to size, perhaps not with the same genial expertise as Dumbledore but she had a style all her own none-the-less.

After a quick chat with Madam Pince Remus began to search the library. It was an arduous task to begin with, but he found his mind preoccupied with Minerva's words.

He knew what it was like to be left behind. To feel alone, abandoned. He hadn't thought he had done that to Harry, but perhaps he had been blinded by his own selfishness. He had rationalised that the boy didn't need him. Harry had Hermione and Ron, and then there was the Weasleys. Who wanted an old teacher hanging around? Cluttering up the place with battered books and patched robes.

They had spent so little time together anyway. They didn't know each other; not the way Harry and Sirius had known each other.

Remus's head fell into his hands as he thought of that name. He had been avoiding it for _so_ long, avoiding the memories, the grief. How is it possible to deal with losing someone after only having them for such a short time?

_That's_ what he had run from, and he would have run sooner if he could have.

He didn't know what had woken him until he saw the bird outside his bedroom window. He had been dreaming about the last moon. When he had finally found out the truth about Lily and James but then everything had gone so wrong. He didn't care about having to leave Hogwarts. The position had only been for one year and he'd done what he'd gone there to do. He'd protected Harry from the one who had betrayed his parents. Remus just hadn't expected that person to be Peter. He hadn't expected Peter to be alive.

Remus pulled open the window and let the bird hop in. It had a battered scrap of paper attached to its claw which Remus carefully removed and opened.

_How do you feel about a house guest?_

There was no signature but Remus recognised the perfectly formed calligraphy, a sign of an aristocratic upbringing. He smiled at the note, a house guest would be _most_ welcome.

Three days, ten hours and seventeen minutes later, not that Remus had noticed, there was a scratching at his door.

He opened it to find himself attacked by a large slobbering and highly unkempt dog which easily knocked him to the ground before staring to bark impatiently.

"I'll shut the door, shall I?" Remus commented sarcastically while picking himself up off the ground. The dog barked again and watched as Remus completed the task before transforming into the highly unkempt form of Sirius Black.

"That's better," Sirius exclaimed shaking out his arms as if he was Padfoot shaking rain off his fur. "Had to stash Buckbeak in the wood on the other side of the village and come on foot from there. What's it called again?" he asked with a frown.

"Mudchute Green," Remus answered watching the other man.

"That's it," Sirius said. "Knew it was something mucky like that." He smiled as he looked up at Remus. "Jesus, Remus!" he exclaimed and in a few short strides had enclosed the other man in a firm embrace that caught Remus by surprise. "Are you well?" he asked eagerly, his arms still holding tight. "You don't look great," he frowned. "Pale, that's what you look."

Remus pulled back as much as he could and smiled. "I'm fine," he assured, his voice was shaky but he tried to cover it by offering Sirius some tea.

"Tea!" Sirius was scandalised. "Don't you have something a bit stronger than _tea_." He looked around as if expecting a bottle of firewhiskey to appear in thin air.

"It's not even midday," Remus began but stopped when he saw the look on Sirius's face. "I think I have some brandy if that'll do," Remus offered, beginning to look around the kitchen.

"Perfect," Sirius replied while he took a seat at the table. "This was your parents place, wasn't it?"

"Yeah," Remus answered as he opened the cupboard under the sink and looked behind some bottles.

"I remember that summer James tried racing me to the village and back. Was it after N.E.W.T.S.?" he looked at Remus who nodded. "I thought so; we were all of age by then. Got in enough trouble anyway. Moody nearly shot our arms off before offering us a spot on his squad."

"Ah," Remus exclaimed finally pulling out a dusty bottle of Hennessy's and wiping it with the sleeve of his robes. He grabbed two glasses from the counter and filled them before handing one to Sirius and sitting down.

"This the Lupin idea of vintage, is it?" Sirius teased as he looked up from the grimy bottle to meet Remus's eyes.

"Only if that's your idea of manners." Remus raised an eyebrow in challenge.

"Sorry," Sirius apologised, looking away. "Haven't needed them for a long time." He frowned before raising his glass in a toast. "Here's to adjusting to _polite_ society."

Remus smiled and they both drank.

"So you live here alone?" Sirius asked. "No girlfriend, wife."

"No," Remus answered looking away. "No girlfriend."

"What about a boyfriend?" Sirius asked. Remus looked at him in surprise. "Well times have changed, or so I've heard," Sirius explained raising his hands in defence. "Apparently Andromeda's kid is..." he paused shaking his head. "That's off the point... and you never really showed much of an interest in girls."

"I'm a werewolf, Sirius," Remus said staring him dead in the eyes as if that should be the end of it.

"Yes," Sirius conceded. "But are you a werewolf with a boyfriend?"

"No," Remus answered looking away. "No boyfriend."

"So we're a pair of bachelors then," Sirius smiled. "Though, I have to say, I have _more_ of an excuse for being single. Escaped mass murderer and all."

"Except you were never convicted," Remus asserted. "Never got a trial."

"I'll remember to mention that the next time someone has a wand to my throat."

"I'm sure they'll understand," Remus smirked taking a sip of brandy. "How long are you staying for?"

"Not long," Sirius frowned. "A day, maybe two. I have to keep moving. I'm heading south," he explained. "Buckbeak is tired though. He needed a rest."

"Does Dumbledore-"

"I sent him an owl to say I was leaving the country. Anything else can keep for now." Sirius frowned. "I just wish-" he stopped, turning the glass in his hand.

"Harry?" Remus asked.

"Yeah," Sirius sighed. "Bit of a shock seeing him like that. Looking so much like James... and yet, so unhappy. Reminding me of myself, really... Strange to think I'm his legal guardian, now. His _illegal_ legal guardian," he added. "And I can't even give him a place to live."

"You could sign his consent form; for Hogsmeade," he explained when Sirius frowned at him. "I know the Dursleys didn't do it last year."

"A consent form!" Sirius snorted angrily. "The Black fortune at my disposal and all I can offer is a consent form!"

"It's what he needs," Remus shrugged. "Money doesn't matter to him."

"And what about you?" Sirius asked with concern. "I know you teach at Hogwarts but-"

"That was only last year," Remus interrupted. "Jobs are... a bit hard to come by lately. Since the Ministry's new laws were put in place."

Sirius managed to stay for two days. They didn't do anything out of the ordinary. Playing wizard chess was about as exciting as it got, but it meant a lot to Remus that Sirius had come to see him and that he seemed to be in good form considering. They had a chance to get to know each other again.

The next visit he didn't even send warning.

"Remus, _Remus_!"

"I'm here!" Remus shouted as he ran down the stairs to the kitchen.

Sirius was half collapsed on the chair, his hands bleeding and his face covered in sweat.

"_Jesus_!" Remus exclaimed when he saw the state him. He grabbed a wet cloth from the counter and began wiping away the blood.

"Never mind that," Sirius said gruffly, pulling his hand away. "Have you heard-?"

"Dumbledore owled," Remus interrupted, pulling Sirius's hand back. "I've been getting in touch with as many people as possible." He paused as he pinched a shard of glass out of Sirius's hand. The other man hissed with pain.

"Had to break Dung's window," Sirius explained. "He was passed out on the floor. Thought he was dead." He wiped his forehead with his free hand.

"How is Harry?" Remus asked looking up at Sirius.

"He _saw_ Voldemort return!" Sirius said sharply meeting Remus's gaze. "He managed to survive Him trying to kill him again. He Portkeyed the dead body of Cedric Diggory back to Hogwarts. He was nearly killed by _another_ Death Eater Polyjuiced as Moody and Fudge won't believe a _word_ of it."

Sirius cursed the Minister before going on. "But he's alive," he managed shakily, closing his eyes in thanks. "Whatever other damage has been done-" he stopped now, a frown forcing him to look away.

"You'll be staying here?" Remus asked, pulling Sirius's other hand to check it for wounds.

"That was the plan," Sirius murmured. "If it's okay?"

"Of course," Remus replied swabbing the last of the blood away. "There's only me here. I could do with the company." He moved to the sink trying to wash the blood from the cloth.

"No girlfriend?" Sirius asked a teasing note in his voice. "No wife?"

"No," Remus replied shaking his head at Sirius's friendly jibe. "No girlfriend."

"No boyfriend?" Sirius asked, his voice quivering just enough to catch Remus's attention and cause him to turn around. The look on Sirius's face solemn and searching.

Remus took a moment to answer. The small of his back pressing into the countertop. He put the cloth down and placed his hands on the counter. "No boyfriend," he answered, trying to keep the nerves out of his own voice.

The corner of Sirius's mouth twitched. "You just never know nowadays," he smiled. "Do you?"

"That's what they say," Remus murmured, his hand clenching the edge of the counter for support.

Neville pulled Remus from the book for lunch and they made their way down to the Three Broomsticks. He suggested they get some food sent up from the kitchens but Remus needed the walk after being stuck in his memories all morning.

The pub was thriving with summer trade and they just managed to muscle their way around a small table at the back after waiting ten minutes at the bar.

"Phew," Neville sighed when he'd taken his jacket off. "Never thought I'd be so glad to get a seat in here." He picked up the menu from the table and gave it a quick once over. "Think I'll have the Shepard's pie," he said. The menu glowed for a moment and the dish Neville had just mentioned disappeared. "Ah, none of that left then. Only Banger 'n' Mash..." he looked down the menu, "or Wizards Special. Think it's best if I order at the bar," Neville said with a quick look around. "What do you fancy?"

"Whatever you're having is fine," Remus said, pulling some money from his pocket.

"I'll get this," Neville insisted, pushing Remus's hand away. "You got the Butterbeers." And he was gone before Remus could argue.

Remus sat back and took a sip of his drink. It was quite warm in here, the summer sun and the swarm of people seemed to counteract any wisp of fresh air that might have come from the open windows.

He pulled a list of the books he'd already looked at from his pocket and had a quick glance at it wondering what the connecting factor was and why Harry had spent so long pouring over them.

"Lupin?"

Remus looked up with an automatic smile on his face to see George Weasley in front of him. He knew it was George because the man was seated in a wheelchair. He'd never recovered from the Death Eaters' attack on him. They had crushed three of his vertebrae and severed his spinal cord in the process. One spell and he'd been paralysed from the waist down.

A Guide-hen sat on the red heads left shoulder. It was dirt brown in colour, no bigger than a child fist and was murmuring softly into George's ear. Remus couldn't hear what was being said but he knew what the animal was trained to do. Not only did it control the movement of the wheelchair but it was also George's guide to the world since he couldn't see anymore. They bird must have recognised him.

"George!" Remus exclaimed. "It's good to see you again."

"Wish I could say the same," George grinned, making Remus cringe at what he'd just said. "But at least you sound well." He put out his hand and Remus shook it enthusiastically. George's grip was strong and he placed his other hand over Remus's. "Still as thin as ever. Didn't they have food wherever you disappeared to?"

"They did," Remus smiled. "But not as good as your mother's."

"She'll be delighted to hear that," he said. "Not that I'm gonna tell her," he added. "The woman overfeeds everyone as it is."

"So what are you doing here?" Remus asked as he sat down again. The people at the next table grudgingly made room to fit George's wheelchair. Remus was sure he saw a cheeky grin on the other man's face but he couldn't be sure.

"Just checking on the shop," he said. "Like to poke my head in now and then."

"You have a shop in Hogsmeade?" Remus asked in surprise. "Bet Zonko isn't happy about that."

"Where have you been? Siberia!" George exclaimed. "We bought them out three years ago. Zonko was only too happy to sell. He was getting on and his kids weren't interested. What about you? A secret rendezvous, I hope?"

"Nothing so exciting," Remus explained. "Lunch with Neville Longbottom."

"Oh Merlin!" George exclaimed. "He's been trying to get me into Mungo's as a test subject for ages. He can't understand why I don't want to be poked and prodded by those idiots."

"Even if they can cure you?" Remus asked, confused why George wouldn't want that.

"What do you think?" George said leaning forward. "Would you let them _experiment_ on you when they didn't know what they were doing?"

"Ah," Remus said shaking his head. "No, I don't think I would."

"Anyway, it can't just be Neville who dragged you back to the world of the living?"

"Yes and no," Remus explained. "I'm looking for Harry."

George's face fell and he frowned. "No one is taking that seriously, are they?"

"It doesn't seem that way," Remus observed tetchily.

"You have to understand," George said leaning forward. "Its not the first time he's gone missing. Everyone went _mad_ the first time. He was only gone for a few days but _The Prophet _was already offering a reward for information. Scrimgeour even set up a special task force," George sighed. "Then he just... _showed up_. Wouldn't tell anyone where he'd been, just that he wanted to be left alone."

"He wouldn't tell _anyone_?"

"Well, I know Ron asked, and Ginny, but that was two years ago now... he didn't really owe them an explanation." George frowned. "Ginny was never really happy with that. I guess she knew a part of Harry that no one else did."

"So," Remus interrupted. "They're together, then?"

"Together?" George shrugged. "I don't know. Mum acts like they are most of the time but..." He frowned. "Harry never let anyone close to him after Ginny. And _she's_ never brought anyone home to meet mum and dad. In a way, they remind me of Ron and Hermione at school. Everyone kind of assumes it's just a matter of time." George stopped talking and frowned. "To be honest, I thought he was trying to protect her from something. There was something different about him when he showed up the last time. The way he acted, the way he spoke..." George hesitated. "Maybe it's because I was listening differently."

"George!" Neville exclaimed as he made his way back to the table. "I didn't expect you to be here. How have you been?"

George left before their lunch arrived, but again Remus found himself thinking over what had been said to him. Something had been going on with Harry for a long time. He just had to find out what.

Please review :-)


	6. Chapter 5

Title: **Out of Darkness (5/9)**  
Summary: Remus Lupin has exiled himself from the wizarding world, unable to deal with the pain of the second war but a near fatal accident reacquaints him with the past and he realises that some old friends may be more in need of him than he thought.  
Archive: SB/RL mailing list, Azkaban's Lair. Anywhere else; just ask.  
Rating: PG13 - NC17 (eventually)  
Originally posted: on my LJ Username lovegrrl  
Disclaimer: Unfortunately these characters do not belong to me. I am just practising my Imperius Curse on them (shhh).

Dedications: Beta thanks goes to Clara who is the faster beta I've _ever_ seen. Thanks.

**Chapter Five**

Remus pulled another bundle of scrolls down from the shelf and dropped them onto the table. Kingsley had managed to get him into the Ministry archives for the last two days on the pretence of Auror support researching but he only had a few hours before his pass expired and he hadn't found anything that made sense.

Harry had searched through Wizarding profiles A, J and R; reports on Augureys, Banshees, and Streelers; floor plans of level nine had been pulled and even accounts on Grindelwald's defeat.

Remus growled in annoyance as another document turned up nothing useful. It was no good. He'd been through everything here and at St Mungo's and was more confused than ever. He didn't really see the point in going back to Hogwarts with Hermione and Ginny as they had planned if it was just going to lead to more useless frustration.

His pass began to glow blue two hours later, his warning that it would expire soon. He packed everything back onto the shelves and put the few notes he had taken into his briefcase. He had just closed the door when he saw Kingsley walking towards him accompanied by a tall brown haired man whose hair was slightly shaggy at the edges. It was obvious that he was also an Auror and he looked familiar to Remus.

"Remus," Kingsley greeted. "I was just coming to get you." The Auror's eyes flicked down to Remus's permit. "I thought it would run out early. Maintenance seems to be having a problem with that at the moment."

"I was finishing up anyway," Remus said his eyes flicking to Kingsley's colleague.

"Remus, this is my partner, McCrimmon," Kingsley introduced. "McCrimmon, this is Remus Lupin."

Remus noticed the man eyebrows raise in recognition as he reached out his hand.

"Of course," he said. "The elusive Mister Lupin," McCrimmon smiled widely and Remus noticed the corners of his eyes crinkle. "You're looking much better than the last time we met but we never had a _formal_ introduction." There was a Scottish accent in his voice which Remus liked. It was this that made Remus realise they had met before. McCrimmon was the one who had brought him to Saint Mungo's.

"I never got to say thank you, McCrimmon." Remus almost felt himself blush. They clasped hands and he noticed how strong the other man's grasp was.

"It's Brendan actually," he smiled. "Only Shaklebolt uses my surname." Brendan leaned in slightly. "He thinks it sounds professional."

Remus smiled and with a wink, Brendan let go of his hand.

"I was going to walk you out," Kingsley said looking at his watch. "But I have a meeting with the new Head in about two minutes-"

"Don't worry I'm sure I can find my own way," Remus assured him.

"That's what I was thinking," Kingsley said. "But McCrimmon's going that way anyway," he added, patting his colleague on the shoulder. "If you need anything else."

"Thanks," Remus shook Kingsley's hand in farewell, "but I think I'm all done here."

Kingsley nodded and headed back to his department while Remus and Brendan made their way towards the lifts. Remus was feeling slightly self-conscious in the Auror's presence though the other man didn't seem to notice. He was strolling along easily in his scuffed white runners. His long coat pushed back and his hands in his trouser pockets.

"So have you been working with Kingsley long?" Remus asked, trying to ease the tight feeling he had in his chest.

"Just over a month," Brendan offered. "He takes some getting used to. Seems to forget I've been doing this a while. Expects me to walk into a wall at any moment."

"What happened to Nymphadora?" Remus asked at the mention of someone walking into a wall.

Brendan laughed, "You mean_ Tonks_! She'd hex your hands off if you called her that."

"I'd forgotten about that," Remus said with a smile. "Touchy subject, eh?"

"You could say that," Brendan smiled as if this was the understatement of the century. "She got promoted."

"Promoted?" Remus said. "That means she'd the new-"

"Head Auror," Brendan finished. "Word came through last month."

"She's a bit young for it."

"She'd hex your _balls_ off if you told her that!"

Remus laughed, he was probably right as well.

"So what were you really looking at?" Brendan asked with a sideways glance. "Doesn't take a genius to figure out this was a ruse." He flicked his finger at Remus's permit.

"Just some papers," Remus said not looking the man in the eye.

"Same as the young Potter was looking at?" It wasn't really a question but he was polite enough to pretend.

Remus frowned. He wanted to answer the question; wanted to have someone who wasn't emotionally invested in Harry help him figure out exactly what was going on. He turned his eyes to the Auror who was walking along as easily as before, as if he asked questions about missing wizarding heroes' everyday of his life, yet at the same time, somehow showing the weight of the universe on his shoulders and still taking it all in his stride. Remus figured it was safe to trust him.

"None of it makes sense," Remus confessed. "Some of it's completely mundane and others..." Remus shook his head. "Why was he even allowed look at it?"

"He's Harry Potter," he shrugged. "You really want to be the one to say no to him?"

"Wouldn't be the first time," Remus murmured.

"Of course," Brendan said, realising Remus knew Harry personally. "But did he ever listen to you?" he asked, an eyebrow raised in question.

Remus smiled again. "No," Remus laughed. "He'd act like he was, then go and do whatever he wanted anyway."

Brendan reached out his hand and caught Remus by the arm bringing him to a dead stop just before another corridor crossed their own. A second later a speeding file cart whizzed by. Remus had nearly walked right into its path.

"Thanks," Remus said after recovering. "You've got good reflexes."

Brendan turned to look at Remus. "Well, I am an Auror," he quipped, his eyes crinkling with pleasure as he smiled at Remus. "My reflexes are specially trained."

It took Remus a second to become aware of Brendan's hand on his arm. When he tried to talk he found his mouth had gone dry.

"Well," Remus managed after clearing his throat. "That's my ride," he pointed at the lift on the far side of the corridor and then wondered if that had been the best word to use.

"Yeah," Brendan agreed his eyes flicking to the lift for a second then back to Remus. "Listen, if you want to go for a drink some time. Or..." he paused and Remus thought he saw a flicker of hesitation. "Or even dinner. I'd like that."

Remus felt a jolt of surprise this time.

"It's okay if you don't," Brendan assured moving his hand away. "I just thought-"

"No," Remus interrupted his voice not sounding as steady as Brendan's. "I'd like that... I mean... You just surprised..." he paused and took a calming breath. "It's just been a long time since someone asked me," he explained.

"Now you've surprised me," Brendan said with a disbelieving shake of his head. There was a ding as the lift door opened. "You better catch your ride," Brendan suggested with a cheeky grin.

"Yeah," Remus agreed but was strangely stuck to the spot.

"You two coming or not," groused a short balding man who was holding the lift doors. "Some of us can't hang around all day or we'll get sent to the Centaurs office."

"Hold your hippogriffs, Worple," Brendan warned before turning back to the confused look on Remus's face. "It's a ministry in-joke," he explained. "Means he'll get fired."

Remus nodded. "I... I better go anyway," he said. "But... I'll owl you."

"You better," Brendan grinned and Remus walked to the lift.

Brendan didn't turn to walk away until the doors closed and Remus lost him from sight.

"Do you remember that flat I had?" Sirius asked, taking a chunk out of his sandwich.

"Sumner Road," Remus nodded.

"What happened to it? To all my stuff, I mean."

"I know the building was demolished in the mid eighties," Remus said pulling the memory from the back of his mind. "I suppose they chucked anything left behind."

"Pity," Sirius thought aloud. "There was some good stuff in there."

"I don't exactly call Flea market leftovers good stuff," Remus teased.

"Hey!" Sirius defended, pointing his sandwich at Remus. "That market was the reason I got that place."

"I thought it was the pub on the corner," Remus jibbed.

"What pub?" Sirius asked, pulling his head back in confusion.

"The Anchor... or The Sailor," Remus grasped. "Something maritime anyway." He stood up and put his empty dishes in the sink.

"Don't remember that," Sirius said with a frown. He put the sandwich down on his plate and sat back in his chair. "Feels like there's a lot I don't remember."

Remus turned around and looked at Sirius who was lost in thought, trying to summon up a memory of the pub Remus had mentioned.

"It'll come back to you," Remus eased. "It just takes time."

"Hmm," Sirius hummed. "It feels like they mangled the last few years but that's not right, is it? It's just buried in there somewhere," he said, tapping his head. "I can remember Hogwarts perfectly." A small smile tingled his lips.

"You mean, you remember chasing all those girls," Remus teased.

"The way I remember it, _they_ were chasing me," Sirius corrected with a smile.

"Of _course_ they were," Remus said sarcastically. He turned around and began to wash the dishes. "You were _notorious_ for being shy around girls, weren't you?"

Sirius brought his own dishes over and leaned against the counter. "I wasn't _shy_ around them," Sirius corrected. "They just didn't make me nervous... everyone mistook that for confidence," he shrugged now. Picking up a dishcloth he began to dry as Remus washed. "They made _you_ nervous, though," he teased nudging Remus with his shoulder.

"Everyone made me nervous, Sirius," Remus explained handing him a plate. "I was a teenager with a secret."

"Weren't we all," Sirius said and turned to put the plate away before Remus could decipher the look on his face.

Brendan picked the restaurant. It was a Muggle Italian near the Scottish border that they could Apparate to without much bother. He'd asked Remus if he'd minded eating Muggle and Remus had shook his head, not bothering to explain that after so many years in London this was far more familiar to him than Diagon Alley.

Brendan had been watching him with an easy smile as Remus ordered his meal and fiddled with the napkin.

"Who was it?" Brendan asked just after their wine was poured.

"Sorry?" Remus said looking up.

"The guy that hurt you so badly?"

The words cut through Remus like he hadn't expected but he couldn't figure out if they made him feel pain, anger or regret.

"Sorry," Brendan said shaking his head. "I shouldn't have asked that. I can be a bit... _rude_ at times. I spend so much time around Aurors or criminals I forget that normal people don't like to be interrogated. _Actually_," he added as he tilted his head to the side. "I think I've always been rude. Comes from growing up as an arrogant little prick." He smiled at this and Remus was sure Brendan had _never_ been a little prick.

Brendan changed the subject and they talked about Remus's job in the bookshop and Brendan's love of Muggle literature until Remus couldn't hold the question back any longer.

"What makes you think anybody hurt me?" he asked, his voice filled with as much intrigue as it was anxiety.

"Instinct," Brendan said without a hint of sarcasm. "You disappeared for years, never kept in touch with anyone, then when you do show up you throw yourself into finding Harry so you don't have to answer people's questions about your own life." Brendan leaned forward in his chair. "_And..._ you were nearly sent reeling by the idea I might find you attractive," he smiled. "At first I thought you weren't interested but..." he spread his hands to emphasis they were having dinner together so Remus _must_ be interested.

Remus felt himself colour slightly. "I'm just not used to being picked up in a Ministry corridor."

"Oh," Brendan teased. "And where are you used to being picked up?"

Remus laughed and took a sip of wine to hide the blush on his cheek.

"He didn't hurt me," Remus answered after a moment, shaking his head to reinforce his words.

"He didn't?" The question was soft and made Remus want to answer.

"He..." he took a deep breath. "He just left."

"Isn't that as bad?" Brendan asked leaning forward.

"No," Remus started fiddling with his fork, trying to distract himself from his next words. "He... he was killed." Remus met Brendan's gaze at the last word.

"I'm sorry," Brendan murmured, the concern ripping through his eyes. Concern deeper than anything Remus could have expected.

"Thank you." Remus replied looking away. The words had come out instinctively.

"Was it during the war?"

Remus nodded. "Well, just before it broke out properly," he amended. "When Fudge wouldn't accept anything was going on but people were still dying." Remus knew he sounded bitter but couldn't help himself.

"It could have been prevented," Brendan added knowingly. "If Fudge hadn't been so blinded?"

"I think so, yes," Remus replied, "but there's no point dragging it up now."

Remus met Brendan's eyes again and noticed they were unusually sombre.

"My sister died," he said, his voice stark in the candlelight as if he'd never uttered those words to another soul until now. "She was working for the Ministry."

"As an Auror?" Remus asked, finally understanding Brendan's compassion.

"No," Brendan smiled sadly. "Aisling wasn't..." he stopped as if remembering her fondly for the first time in years. He dropped his arm to rest on the table before continuing. "She was older than me. Didn't like the thought of me being an Auror," he explained. "I wanted to go into training straight from Hogwarts but she said it was too dangerous a job for her little brother. So I listened to her." He stopped and the smile withered from his face. "She was killed in ninety five. They never even caught the bastards who did it."

"I'm so sorry," Remus said reaching out his hand to Brendan's in comfort.

"Thanks," Brendan mumbled gratefully, turning his hand around so his thumb stroked Remus's finger. "I loved her so much... but I couldn't help her." Brendan's face became serious. "I wanted you to know that I understand what it's like when you don't have answers. When someone just leaves your life like that, you feel like they've taken a shortcut and you've been left behind. I understand why you're doing all this for Harry... because; it's not just about him, is it?"

Remus took a deep breath. His eyes concentrating on their joined fingers. It _wasn't_ just about Harry. It wasn't about being part of the wizarding world again. It wasn't even about being the one to figure it all out and bring him back. Remus had lost himself a long time ago, long before the last war had even ended, and only now did he feel he was finally beginning to face up to his life and not hide in the mist of the Muggle world.

"No," he admitted finally.

"I though so," Brendan said. "So I did some searching around."

Remus was surprised by this. "I didn't mean you to-"

"I know," Brendan assured squeezing Remus's hand. "I wanted to do it." He smiled before continuing. "He's been in touch with a few different people by owl over the last year. Horace Slughorn and Arsenius Jigger most frequently."

Remus frowned at the names. "Do you know what about?"

"Jigger is out of the country at the moment on a book tour but Slughorn said he wanted to know about medi-potions; restorative draughts, sleeping potions, that sort of thing."

"That's what he'd been looking into at Mungo's," Remus nodded, though his mind was on the way Brendan's finger was caressing his hand.

"Slughorn didn't think it was anything to be concerned about at the time," Brendan explained. "Of course that was before Harry went missing."

"And now?"

"He said they're the kind of potions any wizard would need. Nothing dangerous, nothing to think Harry would try something stupid. If anything they'd keep him alive rather than kill him," Brendan shrugged. "There's nothing to suggest that Harry is putting himself in danger."

"Except for the fact that he's gone missing," Remus amended.

"Except for that," Brendan agreed as their food arrived.

Two days later, Remus woke up to the usual pain after the full moon. His body ached from the transformation. His shoulders screamed as if they had been dislocated. Wolfsbane made him less dangerous to himself and others while transformed but it didn't stop the pounding his body took each month. A transformation like that twice in one day would cripple the strongest of men.

Remus groaned when he heard a light tapping on his window. If he ignored the bird long enough maybe it would leave him alone for a few hours. He should be up to getting out of bed by then. The noise just got louder however and he nearly groaned again before he realised someone was knocking on the door.

"Yes?" he called, trying to put as much irritation into his voice as possible. Maybe whoever it was would take the hint and leave him alone.

"It's Hermione," a muffled voice identified through the door. "Can I come in?"

Remus grunted his admittance and tried to settle himself as neatly as possible in the bed before she entered.

"How are you feeling?" she asked as she closed the door behind her.

"As well as can be expected," he sighed wearily. He wasn't really up to visitors.

"I won't stay long," she said as she placed a covered bowl on Remus's bedside cabinet. "Chicken soup," she explained when she noticed his raised eyebrow. "Shall I let her in?" Hermione asked as she opened the window to a rather annoyed post owl who nipped her hand.

"Ow," she exclaimed, putting her finger to her mouth to relieve the pain. "She must have been waiting a while," Hermione scowled.

Remus reached his hand out and the owl flew over. A second after relieving her of the letter attached to her right claw she flew back out the window.

"I'll just warm this up for you," Hermione said as she picked up the soup bowl.

Remus nodded and opened the letter.

_Remus,_

_Hope last night was ok. I'll drop around after my shift ends if you like. You can buy me a drink and tell me more about jobberknoll mating. _Honestly,_ I found it _very_ interesting!_

_Say eight o'clock?_

_Brendan._

Remus had been open with Brendan about his 'condition'. Not that Brendan couldn't have figured it out anyway. How many people were walking around a couple of days after nearly being killed by a car, but it was important to Remus that he was honest from the beginning.

"Ginny sent that," Hermione explained placing the steaming bowl within Remus's reach and politely ignoring the smile on Remus's face from the letter. "She said you should eat it first thing to get the healing benefits."

Remus nodded. "Won't they miss you in work?" he asked picking up the bowl and blowing the steam away.

"Said I had to check on a case," she explained. "Which _is_ technically true since I'm CMC." She watched for a moment while Remus ate until it seemed she was satisfied he wouldn't fall asleep in front of her. "How are things going?"

"The same," Remus sighed. "But I do have someone from MLE who's helping me out." Remus hid his smile by taking another spoon of soup.

"Not Kingsley?" Hermione asked.

"No, a guy called McCrimmon," Remus told her. "Brendan McCrimmon."

"McCrimmon?" Hermione frowned. "Where have I seen that name?"

"He's Kingsley's partner," Remus offered.

"No, in my department," she explained. "There was a McCrimmon who signed off on the last Pest Advisory report years ago."

"Aisling McCrimmon?" Remus asked, abandoning the soup on his legs.

"Yeah," Hermione said. "Of course that was before she became an Unspeakable. No one was meant to know but when she died..." Hermione paused. "I guess it was more important to remember her than to follow Ministry rules."

"She was an Unspeakable?" Remus asked.

"So they say," she shrugged. "Strange move but, to go from CMC to Mysteries." Hermione looked up and frowned. "You're meant to eat that soup not play with it."

Author's note: Hope you enjoyed. Please review


	7. Chapter 6

Title: **Out of Darkness (6/9)**  
Summary: Remus Lupin has exiled himself from the wizarding world, unable to deal with the pain of the second war but a near fatal accident reacquaints him with the past and he realises that some old friends may be more in need of him than he thought.  
Archive: SB/RL mailing list, Azkaban's Lair. Anywhere else; just ask.  
Rating: PG13 - NC17 (eventually)  
Originally posted: my LJ Username: lovegrrl.  
Disclaimer: Unfortunately these characters do not belong to me. I am just practising my Imperius Curse on them (shhh).

Dedications: Beta thanks goes to Clara who is the faster beta I've _ever_ seen. Thanks.

**Chapter Six**

Remus managed to get out of bed by midday. Hermione had only stayed a few minutes giving him a chance to get more sleep before he felt hunger pangs setting in.

He pushed himself out of bed, thinking if he dressed and ate quickly enough he could get a good few hours going over his notes before Brendan arrived.

He headed to the compact but complete bathroom that belonged to the room. He couldn't help but stop when he saw his reflection in the mirror. He didn't have to catalogue any new scars thanks to the potion but there were enough old marks on his skin to keep any man busy.

He ran his finger along a wound that travelled from his left shoulder across his chest and ended at the bottom of his ribcage. That one had been bad! Was it in sixth or seventh year he'd woken up with that one? He couldn't remember, but the pain came back to him easily enough.

Pain that was rarely eased in his forty three years.

Remus felt his head being lifted up and a moment later the wonderful sensation of water hitting his lips. He swallowed eagerly.

"Merlin, Moony!" Sirius exclaimed. "Was it always this bad?"

"Yes," Remus croaked through a smile. "But we were too young to care and too arrogant to take heed."

"Why can't Snape keep making the potion for-"

"Sirius, _don't_!" Remus pleaded. "I can't listen to you bitch about him right now."

"Easy," Sirius advised as Remus tried to sit up.

"We've got to be ready for Dumbledore," Remus said pushing his hand aside.

"You're too tired. I'll go with him on my own," Sirius informed as he sat down on the edge of the bed blocking any chance Remus had of getting up.

"I'm not _letting_ you go on your own!" Remus stated, alarmed that Sirius would even suggest it.

"Then I'll tell him we'll do it tomorrow... or the day after even. I can put off seeing that place indefinitely if I have to," Sirius smiled bitterly. "It's more important that I look after you," he surmised.

Remus sighed and leaned his head back into the pillow. "I don't like you playing my nurse maid," he said his eyes closing.

"All part of the service," Sirius joked. "I can even get the outfit if you like."

Remus laughed. "Not exactly an image I want in my head." He sighed sleepily and his body relaxed into the bed.

"Tired?" Sirius asked.

"Mmmm," Remus hummed.

"Sleep," Sirius said quietly. "I'll rearrange things with Dumbledore."

"Okay," Remus mumbled. He was already drifting off as he felt a hand ghost softly over his forehead before sleep overcame him completely.

He woke a few hours later to a tingling sensation. It took a lot of effort to open his eyes but when he did he saw Sirius sitting in the corner chair. A book abandoned on his lap.

"How are you feeling?"

"Not great," Remus confessed.

"I didn't want to wake you but I had to Scourgify your sheets while you were asleep," Sirius's tone filled with concern. "I think I missed a cut from last night."

"Right," Remus said, trying to push himself up. Sirius rose from his chair and hooked a hand under Remus's arm to help him. His naked chest was pale but there was no seeping wound.

"It must be on your back," Sirius said and Remus leaned forward slightly to give him a better look. "Yeah, must have torn that one open again."

Remus felt Sirius's finger lightly stroke an area just below his left shoulder and he shivered against the cold touch.

"Turn over and I'll apply the potion," Sirius ordered and Remus acquiesced.

Remus was cold now the sheets were pulled down to his waist but he still gasped when the potion touched his skin. Goosebumps standing to attention.

"Sorry," Sirius murmured.

His hands worked gently on Remus's skin. His fingers soft and caring on Remus's battered body and Remus could feel his skin warming quickly to the touch.

"Sorry," Sirius murmured again and it was only then that Remus's realised he had groaned at Sirius's attention. He took a sharp breath as he realised his body was reacting in other ways as well.

"Here," Sirius said as he stood from the bed. "Turn over and I'll help you sit up."

"I'm fine," Remus said, a slight blush rising to his cheek.

"It's okay, Remus," Sirius urged. "I don't mind. Nurse maid, remember," Sirius smiled down at Remus.

"No, Sirius." Remus closed his eyes in embarrassment. "I mean... I _can't_."

There was a moments silence as Sirius took this in. Remus could feel himself cringing inside when Sirius finally said, "Oh," so softly it was like a sigh rather than a reaction.

Remus opened his eyes as Sirius knelt down beside the bed so that they were eye to eye. Remus's breathing was shallow and he wanted nothing more than to pull the covers over his head and disappear.

As he looked at Sirius he noticed the other mans chest rising and falling with the short breaths he was taking. His eyes large with black pupils filling them.

"That's okay too," he whispered, his breath catching on the words. Sirius leaned forward and pressed his lips gently against Remus's, just enough so that he could feel the insistence of more behind it. Then he opened his lips slightly and Remus tasted the wet heat of Sirius brush over his lower lip before the kiss ended.

Sirius pulled back just enough to look at Remus; their noses almost touching.

"That okay?" he asked in the same whispered voice.

Remus swallowed against the dryness in his mouth, causing himself to gasp slightly. He reached his hand out and tentatively pushed a strand of Sirius's hair back behind his ear before nodding.

Sirius smiled softly. "You can turn over now," he murmured, starting to unbutton his shirt.

"Sirius, I-" Remus started as he pushed himself up on his elbow, his eyes never leaving Sirius's.

"I'm just going to keep you warm," Sirius eased, reading the apprehension in Remus's eyes perfectly. "Actually," he added as he toed off his shoes, "you can stay where you are."

His trousers still on Sirius carefully climbed over Remus and settled himself so that his chest was pressed against Remus's back. He ran his hand down Remus's arm to calm his nerves. Remus shivered at the touch.

Against his body's protests he turned so he could look Sirius in the eye. Knowing he looked unsure and uncertain about what had happened.

"What's going on, Padfoot?" he asked, his voice shivering.

"This? Sirius asked. "I just want to keep you safe. I want to make you feel better."

"And the kiss?"

"That was to make _me_ feel better," Sirius said with a trace of a smile. "Something I remembered." He leaned forward and kissed Remus's shoulder gently.

"But we never did that before," Remus said through another shiver.

"Maybe it's just something I fantasised about then," Sirius replied, kissing just below where he'd placed the last one. "Does it bother you?"

"You fantasised about me?" Remus gasped as he felt his body react to the statement.

"Mmm huh," Sirius affirmed his lips vibrating against Remus's skin. "More often than is probably healthy. I'm surprised I can still see straight... no pun intended."

Remus turned fully now so that he was chest to chest with Sirius. His apprehension forgotten. His nakedness nothing so much as a contrast to Sirius's trousers.

"You can certainly keep a secret," Remus said before leaning forward and capturing Sirius's lips. Savouring it this time when he tasted Sirius. Running his tongue across the other mans lips and gasping when Sirius caught his lower lip between his teeth.

His hands reaching out to find the form of Sirius's back. The dip where his spine curved downwards. His fingers disappeared under the waistband of Sirius's trousers.

"Remus!" Sirius gasped as he pulled away, trying to put a distance between them. "Wait." His breathing was heavy and he looked away in an effort to break whatever spell was unfolding in front of them. "You're not strong enough."

Remus felt strong enough and his body was certainly ready. He was sure Sirius's was too and he moved his hip against Sirius to test his theory.

"Oh Merlin!" Sirius gasped in surprise as Remus brushed up against him. Sirius looked sharply at Remus. His eyes full and wanting. "You can't just do that to a man," he panted.

Remus moved his hip and Sirius jerked wantonly.

"Tell me about it," Remus said and caught Sirius's lips again.

Remus spent most of the afternoon and evening going over the notes he had taken in the last few days.

Lists of potions Harry had looked up at St Mungo's, the underlined names identifying the ones Slughorn had been contacted on. Reports and plans from the Ministry of Magic. He hadn't read the story of Grindelwald's defeat since History of Magic and he got somewhat lost in the accounts for a time. Lastly he went through the notes from Hogwarts, also containing a biography of Grindelwald along with one on Morgana and Nicholas Flamel.

He had decided to go back to Hogwarts tomorrow to look through another batch of books when a knock at the door interrupted him.

He must have looked surprised when he opened the door because the first thing Brendan said was, "You did get my letter?" in a tone that suggested he hadn't quite trusted the owl in the first place.

"Oh, yes," Remus replied absentmindedly. He glanced quickly at his watch. "I just didn't realise..." he trailed off as he opened the door properly for Brendan to enter.

"You've been busy," he said taking in the papers strewn across the bed and piled up on the small desk in the corner.

Remus nodded. "Just give me a second and I'll be ready to go." He closed the door and began clearing up the papers haphazardly.

"No rush," Brendan said picking up a scroll and unfurling it. "Find anything interesting?"

"Interesting? Yes," Remus sighed. "But whether it's any use..." Remus shrugged and dumped a pile of scrolls onto the table. He had to cast a balancing charm to keep them in place. "There were a couple of things on Grindelwald and his defeat," he added. "That kind of surprised me. Harry was never one for magical history."

"So you think there might be something in it?" Brendan asked as he made a place on the bed for himself. Stretching himself diagonally among the papers and propping his head up on his hand.

"Maybe, but how can I find out," Remus shrugged taking in the sight of the man laid out on his bed. Maybe they didn't really need to go out after all.

"Go to the source," Brendan suggested. "Who better to tell you then the one who defeated him?"

"Dumbledore?" Remus frowned, moving forward and grasping the end of the bed.

"I'm sure the portrait can be trusted if they okayed him to give evidence at a trial."

"Only on McGonagall's say-so."

"Well you can ask her then, can't you?" Brendan pushed as if this was the most obvious solution in the world. "But first," he stood and put his hand on Remus's cheek. "You have to buy me a drink," he winked.

Remus hadn't wanted to stay in the Three Broomsticks citing cabin fever, so they walked along the high street, passing the turn for Puddifoot's and the Hog's Head until they came to The Wizards End at the end of the lane on which Gladrag's cornered.

They had just ordered a second bottle of wine when the sun began to set over the lake making the view seem all too perfect. The light glistened off the water while the castle towers glowed in the dwindling radiance.

"I miss it sometimes, you know," Brendan said, his eyes not leaving the castle. "I've been out of the place longer then I was ever a student there and still..." Brendan trailed off as if his feelings could be understood implicitly.

"It's still part of you," Remus said. "The magic of it... it never leaves you."

"I think part of me died when they closed it," Brendan confessed. "It was as if the universe was saying that _nothing_ is certain, _nothing_ is constant." Brendan frowned. "I'd never accepted that before. Even when Aisling died I didn't really believe it. There were so many unanswered questions I thought if I worked hard enough, learned enough magic I could bring her back... But when Hogwarts closed..." He shook his head as if trying to explain what he meant. "I figured if it stayed open during the last war then Dumbledore would be able to protect it again.

"Everyone thought Dumbledore would defeat Voldemort," Brendan continued. "It was inevitable... Then afterwards they thought Harry would do it," Brendan paused and Remus looked at him. "Everyone got what they thought they wanted, didn't they?" Brendan stopped and turned to look at Remus, a line etched into his forehead. It was as if he was holding back. "But I've learned that there are two kinds of truths people allow themselves to believe; the most mundane and the most unlikely."

"You know something?" Remus asked, his question not one at all.

"I know more than what the public were told," Brendan said, his voice soft, unassuming. "I know Harry Potter didn't kill Him. Prior Incantatum _proved_ he hadn't useed an Unforgivable. I know you were there."

"That doesn't mean-"

"I know," Brendan said with a soft nod. "I'm not trying to expose you or hurt Harry. I'm just trying to figure out what happened because... I think we might have something here." He looked up at Remus to make sure his point was clear. "And... something is hurting you that you can't let go. At first, I didn't think it mattered. I thought it must be easy to kill a man like that. Someone who isn't _even_ a man, and I was glad he was dead." Brendan paused and looked down at the red wine in his glass. "But I've learned some things since then," his voice was hallow. "Killing a person isn't about who _they_ are, it about who you are. What you are capable of... and what it'll end up doing to you in the end." Brendan swallowed, his eyes dark when they looked up at Remus. "And I began to wonder if you knew that too."

Remus was rooted to the spot as the body of Nagini slithered around the rock. It almost looked like she was smiling, pleased.

He was dragged back to himself as Harry grabbed his arm and pulled him close. "Get the wand," the boy rasped madly before pushing Remus away and darting through the stones away from the snake.

Remus pushed himself forward onto the ground, his stomach flattening the earth beneath him, and grabbed the wand with his right hand. It was warm to the touch but the horcrux had been destroyed. He got it into his robes before a crack announced the arrival of some unwanted guests.

He looked up to see the black robes and white masks of four Death Eaters. With some quick wand work he managed to send two crashing backwards with the almighty force of his best Stunning spell. They fell unconscious to the ground.

"Grab him, you fools," shrieked a cold-blooded voice and before he could react Remus was disarmed and restrained by the second set of Death Eaters. He struggled against them, his own wand inches from where he knelt, but felt a searing tightness wrap around his right arm. He turned and spat into the face of the Death Eater who held him.

Dark eyes flashed dangerously at him before the Death Eater leaned forward, his lips centimetres from Remus's ear. "Do you _want_ to die?" the man asked severely.

Remus turned his face from the Death Eater to a fifth figure, this one far more imposing. "Who is it?" the Dark Lord asked, his own wand in his left hand.

"Lupin, Master," the dark eyed Death Eater offered.

"Ah, yes," came the delighted reply. "The _werewolf_!" He smiled cruelly. "We have been well informed, but where is the boy Potter."

Remus heard movement from behind one of the rocks. Harry!

"Come out, Potter, or your little friend will die a very _painful_ death."

"I'd rather die," Remus spat, "Than let you _anywhere_ near him."

"Patience," Voldemort called, his look almost gleeful. "I promise you will only live as long as you are useful."

Nagini had slithered her way towards Voldemort and hissed sinuously as she climbed up his leg.

"Yes, my dear," Voldemort soothed as he stroked her head. "The boy believes he can hide from me."

"I'll fight you," Harry called from somewhere behind Remus's left shoulder. Remus cringed when he saw the delight in Voldemort face. "But you have to let Remus go first."

Voldemort laughed. "You care for this..." His eyes fell disdainfully onto Remus who was struggling against the Death Eaters holding him. "This _animal!_" he snarled. "Surely you know how much better _we_ are... or did Dumbledore fill your head with _foolish_ nonsense."

"Don't you dare say his name," Harry called, and Remus could hear the anger in his voice. "Not when you didn't even have the _balls_ to face him yourself. Had to send a _child_ after him, didn't you? Did he frighten you that much?"

Voldemort's face snapped at these words. He leaned down to whisper something in Nagini's ear. The snake nodded and slithered across the ground to where Harry's voice had come from.

"Harry!" Remus shouted in warning before he was hit with a hex that caused him to scream out in agony. The left side of his ribcage shattered horrendously. Pain raged inside him and blood begin to seep through his robes.

"Silence," Voldemort demanded. "I promised you your time will come; do not make me fulfil my word too soon."

Voldermort turned his eyes away. Remus fought the overwhelming urge to collapse and through the tears of pain saw the snake disappear outside the circle of stones. He bowed his head and willed with all his might that Harry would hear his thoughts and run. It was pointless to face Voldemort now when all the Horcruces had yet to be destroyed.

"I was testing the _child_, as you call him," Voldemort said into the night. "His father had angered me; his mother was useless and could not hold her tongue. Thankfully," he smiled at this and Remus felt anger fire on top of his pain. "I have truly loyal followers among my flock."

Remus fought the urge to look at the man, the shell of a man before him. he couldn't risk Voldemort reading his thought's and destroying any chance they had a victory; but at that moment he wanted nothing more than to be let loose on the tyrant, no wand, no magic, just bare werewolf brawn, and rip him apart.

There was a deadly silence as Voldemort waited for Nagini to speak. The Death Eaters tightened their grip on Remus's arms and he was so powered by pain anger, and intent on listening, that he didn't struggle this time

The sound of a high pitched hiss rang out followed by the crash of metal hitting stone. Remus craned his neck to see what was happening, ignoring a further crack coming from his ribcage. A moment later an unearthly screech cut through the darkness, like a hundred fingernails being forced down a blackboard. Remus tried to cover his ears but the noise permeated into his skull.

"No!" Voldemort howled in anger. His spoke parseltongue into the night but no reply was heard.

There was movement and Harry came into sight; a sword hanging limply in his right hand. His shirt covered in blood so dark it couldn't have been his own. He stared at Voldemort from under hooded eyes which were dangerous and determined.

"You killed her," Voldemort snarled. He moved forward his wand pointed at Harry but the boy didn't move. "My Nagini." His chest rose and fell rapidly as anger coursed through his body bursting out of his mouth in furious rasps.

"You killed my pet," he said. "Now I'll kill _yours_." He turned sharply and pointed his wand at Remus.

"No," Harry screamed, dropping the sword and begging to run.

The Death Eaters freed Remus from their grasp at the same moment as the Killing Curse exploded from Voldemort's wand.

Remus threw himself forward instinctively reaching for his wand, pain ripping through his right side, even though he knew it was pointless. The Killing Curse was unstoppable. Only one person had ever...

Remus looked up as he grabbed his wand. The spell moments from hitting him, his vision filled with green...

Then...

Everything went black.

Harry had thrown himself in front of Remus. It hit the boy directly in the chest.

_I'm not going to let anyone else die to protect me._

Remus watched, paralysed, as Harry's body was lifted into the air, his arms outstretched. Swallowed by the emerald glow of the curse.

Author's note: Don't hate me for the cliff hanger!


	8. Chapter 7

Title: **Out of Darkness (7/9)**  
Summary: Remus Lupin has exiled himself from the wizarding world, unable to deal with the pain of the second war but a near fatal accident reacquaints him with the past and he realises that some old friends may be more in need of him than he thought.  
Archive: SB/RL mailing list, Azkaban's Lair. Anywhere else; just ask.  
Rating: PG13 - NC17 (eventually)  
Originally posted: my LJ Username: lovegrrl  
Disclaimer: Unfortunately these characters do not belong to me. I am just practising my Imperius Curse on them (shhh).

Dedications: Beta thanks goes to Clara who is the faster beta I've _ever_ seen. Thanks.

**Chapter Seven**

XXX

They stayed in The Wizard's End until well after midnight. Only stumbling out the door when Madam Curtan began tapping her foot impatiently. They were laughing at their own drunkenness when Brendan looked up at Remus.

"Come on," he said mischievously. "I want to show you something." He grabbed Remus's hand and pulled him through a gap in the buildings to a half trodden path etched between the village and the lake.

They staggered giddily until they reached the water's edge where a fallen tree acted as a make shift seat. Brendan sat and pulled him down. Remus stumbled over a half buried branch until he collided with the trunk. He righted himself against Brendan's shoulder before giving him a lopsided grin.

"Think that last glass pushed me over the edge," he confessed.

"The last _glass_?" Brendan teased as he fixed Remus's robe which had fallen from his shoulder. The water lapped against the shore and Brendan leaned back looking at the cloudless sky above them. "You take Astronomy?" Brendan asked still looking up.

"Dropped it after O.W.L.s," Remus answered. "Took the more _practical subjects_, as my father called them. Not that it did much use."

"What did you want to do?"

"At seventeen?" Remus laughed as if this seemed more than a lifetime ago to him. "Who knows," Remus shrugged. "I just wanted to keep my head down. Make sure no one noticed me, _wondered_ about me."

"Did it work?" Brendan asked, turning to look at Remus.

"No," he laughed, "but by then there were more important things to worry about."

"I loved Astronomy," Brendan admitted, his voice soft as he turned his eyes skywards. "Even tutored a few other students."

"Not really a subject looked for in Auror training," Remus said, leaning his own head back to look at the stars.

"Well," Brendan said slowly, "I took the long route on that one. Aisling didn't approve, like I said. My parents didn't know much better being Muggles. I travelled for a few years after school doing this and that, anything interesting or that paid well. When I got back to England, I was offered an apprenticeship with Whizz Hard Books. Even thought about setting up my own place after a few years."

"Strange your sister disapproved seeing as she was an Unspeakable."

Brendan turned sharply and stared at Remus. "Who told you that?" his voice shook.

"Someone mentioned it," Remus explained, "from the Ministry."

This information seemed to relax Brendan somewhat but he frowned as he went on. "I didn't even know until after she was killed. It's all the Ministry would say when my parents asked how it happened. They wouldn't say what she was involved in or how she died, just that she _was_ dead." He shook his head angrily. "As if that explained _anything_ to them. That's what made me go into Auror training."

"You went to work for the Ministry after-"

"I know," Brendan interrupted. "But better the devil you know." He frowned slightly and watched the stars. "I was barely out of training when the war ended," he added. "My sister would have been glad about that." His face flexed with emotion.

Remus placed a comforting hand on Brendan's back.

"I was still so angry about it all; even angrier when I'd missed all the action. I thought I wanted to be on the front line - right in the thick of it - but those first few years after the war." He shook his head. "You can't imagine the things people are capable of until you see them; until you see the bodies. _Human beings_ treated like..." He stopped and rubbed a hand across his face.

Remus pulled him closer, resting his forehead on Brendan's temple.

The touch caused Brendan to smile. He turned to look at Remus. His brown eyes unusually solemn, searching. A few moments later the cheeky twinkle returned.

"I had my first kiss here," Brendan admitted, tilting his head slightly.

"Really," Remus said in mock intrigued.

"Hmm," Brendan murmured. "One of the Gryffindors I tutored. We were meant to be tracking the progress of Ganymeade and he said we'd get a better position from here."

"Not the Astronomy tower?" Remus asked.

Brendan raised an eyebrow. "I suppose it was too crowded for what he had in mind. Anyway, he said the view from here was _amazing_." Brendan smiled at the memory. "I didn't even know I wanted to kiss him until he did it."

"Brave boy," Remus said of the giver of Brendan's first kiss.

"He _was_ a Gryffindor," Brenda teased. "Seems to have given me a taste for them." Brendan smiled at Remus and his eyes flicked momentarily to his lips. "And I _always_ know what I want now."

"And you think Gryffindors always make the first move?" Remus asked, his hand moved to Brendan's neck where he stroked the skin with his thumb.

"That's what I'm waiting to see," Brendan sighed, his breath heavy in the night air.

Remus moved forward, his palm tingling against Brendan's neck, until their noses nearly touched. "The thing about Gryffindor's," Remus breathed. "We're also stubborn. Don't like to do what's expected of us. Like to keep people on their toes." Remus grinned. "Especially Ravenclaws."

Brendan leaned forward but Remus moved back teasingly.

"Remus, the things you do to me," Brendan breathed. His voice a whisper. "I've been imagining this since the first time I saw you." He leaned his forehead against Remus's.

"In the hospital?" Remus asked, pushing his forehead against Brendan's. "When I was half naked.?"

"Please." Brendan's eyes closed as he said it, as if he couldn't take what would happen next either way. Couldn't bear to look in Remus's eyes.

Remus finally leaned forward and captured Brendan's lips. The other man seemed so relieved he gasped into the kiss, opening his mouth easily, eagerly, and Remus was only too happy to oblige.

XXX

"He doesn't even know how much danger he's in," Sirius ranted.

"Just like any other fifteen year old then," Remus sighed as he took off his cloak.

"What did Dumbledore say?" he demanded.

Remus walked over to the counter to make some tea. "He was... disappointed."

"That's an _understatement_," Sirius balked. "How can he allow Snape to just-"

"At Harry."

"What do you mean, '_at Harry_'?"

"Sirius!" Remus started sternly. "Harry _deliberately_ violated Snape's memories."

"What do you expect when he just leaves them lying-"

"So that makes it okay, does it?"

"I didn't say that," Sirius ranted. "But it's no excuse to cut off the lessons that could end up saving-"

"_Think_ about what he's done, Sirius," Remus ordered. "Harry _knew_ that Snape wanted to keep those memories private. He _threw_ himself into them regardless."

"Of course he did," Sirius argued. "He was curious. Anyone would be."

"And look where that's got him," Remus sighed as he turned to finish making the tea.

He ignored the half formed noises coming from Sirius until he had added the milk to his cup and taken a comforting gulp.

"I still don't think it's any reason to stop the lessons," Sirius said dropping into a seat at the table. He ran a hand through his hair pulling it back from his face in agitation.

"Of course you don't," he sighed sitting in the chair beside him. "You would defend Harry till the death. That what makes you a good godfather."

"Much use it's doing now!" Sirius pointed out. "He would have been better off with you. At least _you_ could tell him off when he does something stupid."

"But he doesn't want me," Remus eased. "He wants you." He put a comforting hand on Sirius's leg.

"Well, he's got me whether he likes it or not, doesn't he?" Sirius countered. He finally pulled his eyes away from the table and looked at Remus. "And what use can I be? Stuck in this god awful place with only an evil house elf for company."

"You've got me," Remus said putting his tea aside and placing his hand on Sirius's.

"When you're here," he said softly, his hand shook slightly under Remus's. "When you're not off on your mission being _useful_." he broke his gaze with Remus. "Harry'd be better off without me."

"That's not true, Sirius. You know that." Remus watched Sirius but the other man turned his face away. "Without you Harry wouldn't know the truth about Wormtail. Wouldn't know what really happened to his parents."

"So, a _different_ friend betrayed them. They were still betrayed."

"But he knows the truth of it. There's more power it that than anything else."

"I can't _do_ anything, Remus!" Sirius vented, turning back to face him. "I couldn't go to the Triwizard because I'd be recognised. I can't go out as Padfoot because the Death Eaters know me now. I _can't_ even go and defend him against Snape."

"But you were here when he _needed_ you, Sirius," Remus observed. "He wouldn't have talked to anyone else about it. We would never have known the lessons were stopped and we wouldn't have been able to make other plans."

"That's nothing."

"_Nothing_, Sirius!" Remus exclaimed. "He trusts you more than anyone else. More than Dumbledore. And he _loves_ you."

"Do you think he does?" he asked, his words coming in a rushed whisper.

Remus reached his hand up and stroked Sirius's cheek. He smiled gently at the dark haired man who looked so uncertain. "Of course he does, Sirius," Remus pressed.

Sirius's eyes closed against the tears in them and he let his head rest into Remus's touch. "I worry every day that I can't do right by him," Sirius breathed heavily. "That Lily and James made a mistake picking me. That... we won't survive this."

"They'd be proud of you, Sirius," Remus said pushing a lock of Sirius's hair back from his face. "They'd be proud."

XXX

When Remus woke shortly after sunrise, he hadn't expected to be traipsing around the castle for most of the morning searching for the elusive figure of Albus Dumbledore. He'd arrived in the castle just after breakfast having owled Minerva the night before. She was more than willing to give him permission to talk to Dumbledore's portrait but added that he'd have to find the old man first.

The comment had confused Remus until he found out that the portrait's subject had a nasty tendency to go missing. Well, perhaps missing was not the right term, _wandering_ would be more accurate.

He eventually found the old headmaster playing a rather energetic game of Gobstones with a portrait of monks. When Remus caught his attention, the old man looked up and waved jovially in greeting.

Dumbledore excused himself from the game and stepped into the next portrait that held an empty chair next to a jug of water and a porcelain washbowl.

"What a nice surprise," Dumbledore said as he sat down. "I haven't seen you since before I died," he added with a smile.

"I'm afraid I haven't been around too much, headmaster," Remus apologised.

"Oh, no," Dumbledore shook his head. "Not headmaster anymore. Minerva's doing quite a good job of that I think you'll find." He smiled wistfully. "I do miss it, I suppose, but when I'm feeling particularly maudlin I just pop down to the third floor. There is a _wonderful_ portrait of some ladies who cheer me right up."

Remus moved uncomfortably at the thought.

"But what brings you here, Mr. Lupin," he asked leaning forward. "I've tried to keep up to date on the comings and goings but no one seems to talk to the portraits, unless they want something, and I seem to have lost track of your doings."

"I _have_ come to ask you something as a matter of fact," Remus apologised again.

"Oh dear," Dumbledore sighed as he leaned back. "You know my mind is not as sharp as it once was. Whether I'm getting on a bit or it's just the fact of wandering around a painted world." Dumbledore's head looked to the right and out a window in the portrait. "Well blow me," he exclaimed as he stood to look properly out the window. "There's a child riding a fully grown dragon out there." His hand grasped the windowpane. "Not doing a bad job either," he added, impressed.

Remus frowned and looked at the portrait to the left of Dumbledore where a piebald horse was lazily chewing at some grass.

"Professor," Remus urged. "I don't have much time."

The grey haired man turned to look at Remus. "Of course," he said, shaking his head. "You wanted to ask me something, didn't you?"

"Yes," Remus agreed. "I'm not sure if you can help... Harry has gone missing."

"Harry," Dumbledore replied with a frown. "Missing again, is he? Well I though he was agitated the last time I saw him."

"When was that," Remus asked with surprise.

"Oh, a few months ago perhaps," Dumbledore answered. "He _also_ comes to me when he wants something."

"What was it?"

Dumbledore frowned and seemed to be weighing up the right and wrong in his head. "I'm not sure it's right to talk about it. He was troubled, that much I can tell you but his questions... He seemed determined."

"He was researching Grindelwald and I thought you might be able to help."

Dumbledore let out a small laugh. "Ah yes. What is it my wizard card says... '_Famous for defeating the dark wizard Grindelwald_'," Dumbledore chuckled at Remus's confused look. "Have you ever thought me a murderer, Mr. Lupin?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.

"No sir, but you only did what had to be done."

"And you think killing is the only solution?"

"Sometimes there's no choice," Remus answered looking away.

"Remus, you are an educated man," Dumbledore chided. "There is _always_ a choice. But people are so willing to believe the most obvious solution - the easiest - that they rarely find the truth." Dumbledore looked away. "Having the world think something of you that is not true is very hard to carry. Hard when it makes you a hero." Dumbledore frowned. "Even harder when it makes you a villain. I believe _your_ Mr. Black knew something of it." The old man did not meet his eyes.

"So, you didn't kill him?" Remus asked, years of unshakeable knowledge falling around him.

"My actions led to his death, yes, but I never used the Killing Curse. Whether I would have been forced to do so I would have found out if fate had not intervened."

XXX

Remus went into auto-pilot. His brain unable to process what was happening had instinctively gone on the offence. He pulled his wand up and Stunned another Death Eater before he realised Harry's body hadn't fallen to the ground but was suspended three feet in the air; slowly turning as green and white snakes of magic coiled around him. The boy's head had fallen back and his eyes were large.

Remus stared as Voldemort stumbled backwards in alarm, his wand still outstretched from the spell.

"No," the dark wizard whispered his red eyes reflecting the glow surrounding Harry, as if realising something beyond Remus's understanding.

A bolt of white shot out from Harry's chest and into the tip of Voldemort's wand. It enveloped the wizard's wand before violently exploding, sending him crashing backwards at the same time as Harry's body fell motionless to the ground.

The silence surrounding Remus punctuated only by the sound of his own breath. He was paralysed, and would have thought himself in some awful nightmare had it not been for the pain in his side reminding him that, for now, he was alive.

Voldemort lay crumpled against a stone on the far side of where Harry had fallen. The dark wizard looked broken, but still breathing,

Remus lifted himself up, his chest throbbing, and stumbled towards Harry's body. The boy lay on his side; his back to Remus and didn't seem to be moving.

He reached his hand to Harry's shoulder and turned the boy onto his back. His glasses were shattered and his t-shirt torn to rags. His wand laying in his limp hand.

Remus felt himself crumple inwards as he looked at the face of his friends' only son. He turned his head away as tears began to fall to the ground.

"_Remus_," came the half whisper from Harry's lips. The sound of his own name caused Remus to jump in surprise.

"What do you need, Harry?" Remus gasped, overpowering relief rising in him.

"Where is he?" Harry asked and Remus nodded his head towards where Voldemort lay. "Help me up," Harry ordered, his shaking hand already grasping his arm and against Remus's better judgement he did it.

It took a few moments but once Harry was standing he let go of Remus's shoulder. His eyes focused on the rousing form of Voldemort. "Get back," he told Remus before moving forward. His breathing rough and legs unsteady.

As Harry got closer to his fallen nemesis, the wizard looked up into the boys face.

"So this is what it comes to, is it?" Voldemort charged, his voice frailer then the body that lay crumpled at Harry's feet. He could barely lift his head. "Dumbledore's _golden_ boy!" He took a breath. "He trained you well, did he? Trained you to _kill_." Voldemort made to stand but Harry pointed his wand directly at the wizard and he stilled.

"Not to kill," Harry said. "He gave me something more important than that."

"More important than power over life and dead," Voldemort laughed. "_Stupid_ boy!"

"Not stupid! He gave me the choices you thought foolish," Harry continued. "Gave me knowledge."

Voldemort laughed again. He seemed to gain more strength from each word spoken. Unconcerned at being wandless against the might of the Boy Who Lived.

"And what _knowledge_ could possibly defeat me?" Voldemort sneered. "I am the greatest wizard of all time. I _cannot_ be defeated!" he taunted.

Harry faced hardened at the Voldermort's declaration of sovereignty but he didn't let it deter him.

"He gave me knowledge of a diary," Harry told the sneering face. "A cup... a snake."

Voldemort was looking up now, the sneer draining from his face at the words.

"A ring," Harry added as he pulled Dumbledore's ring from his pocket and threw it at Voldemort's feet. "A wand!" Harry held his hand out and Remus wordlessly placed the wand from his own robes into it. Harry showed it to Voldemort before snapping it between his fingers.

"Now, am I forgetting anything?" Harry asked.

Remus felt his own fear rising as the smile started to return to Voldemort's face. They were acting too soon.

"The last piece..." Harry added shakily. "Didn't you wonder why you couldn't feel me? Why you couldn't read my thoughts?" He took a steadying breath before his hand reached into the folds of his t-shirt and pulled.

When his fist emerged Remus saw hanging from it the locket they had been searching for. It was not the fake Harry had spent so many hours toying with. The Slytherin crest was dented and the clasp hung open in the night air. The horcrux broken.

"Do you feel it?" Harry asked, the locket hanging from his outstretched hand.

"Do I feel _what_?"

"The fear," Harry whispered.

There was a flicker of something in Voldermort's eyes before he answered.

"You _think_ I fear you."

"No." Harry actually smiled. "You don't fear me, but you _can_ feel it - The Fear. The one thing that makes us realise our humanity... our _mor_tality."

Whatever smugness Voldemort was feeling dissolved into pure anger.

"And you think this means _anything_?" he asked trying to push himself up. Harry didn't stop him this time. "You think it means you'll be _able_ to kill me? A _child_ kill Lord Voldemort?"

"No," Harry shook his head. "I _won't_ kill you." His voice was so steady it frightened Remus. "A child you call me but still man enough to know what killing means. I've seen enough of it, haven't I? My parents died protecting me from you and they wouldn't want their protection traded to make me a murderer."

It was now Remus remembered the promise he had made. A promise he had meant.

"So, _no_," Harry shook his head. "A _child_ won't kill you."

Remus was already moving forward when he felt a hand on his shoulder push him back.

"A traitor will," Harry added. He stepped aside as another figure moved forward. The Death Eater Remus had forgotten about in the mess of what was unfolding in front of him.

As he walked, the tall man removed his mask and hood to reveal long dark hair that Remus's recognised.

Stopping just inches from where Voldemort had managed to claw himself up the stone - a look of utter terror and disbelief on the dark lord's face - the Death Eater raised his wand and with the barest hint of hesitation said:

_"Avada Kedavra"_

XXX

When Remus left Dumbledore nearly an hour later his brain was bursting with new information. Truths that had been certain all these years now lay discarded like bread crumbs in his wake. Dumbledore's own history, the history Remus had believed unquestionably, was pockmarked and reduced to ashes.

The old man had carried the weight of unknown truth on his shoulders all these years just as Harry was doing now.

He made his way to the library where he had agreed to meet Ginny and Hermione. It was a beautiful Saturday and yet he couldn't allow the warmth of the day invade the dredge in his head.

The girls were seated at the largest table inside the door. Books strewn here and there. Hermione's quill copying down passages she'd highlighted while Ginny searched a long list of book titles. They didn't notice Remus walking towards them.

"Did you tell him to get the one on ley lines?" Ginny asked Hermione.

Hermione nodded. "Yeah, and volumes referencing them, as well."

Remus picked up a book from the desk and flicked through a few pages.

"Remus," Hermione greeted. "We were expecting you ages ago."

"Did you find Dumbledore," Ginny added.

"Yes," Remus answered but felt unsure about what to add.

"Bloody hell," came a voice from behind an approaching stack of books. They toppled over when dumped unceremoniously on the table.

"_Ron_!" Hermione shrieked as a number of them fell to the floor.

"_Hermione_!" he teased as she scrambled to pick them up.

"Hello, Ron," Remus greeted the tall red head.

"Professor Lupin," Ron exclaimed when he looked up.

"Just Lupin," Remus corrected. "Or Remus even seeing as that's my name."

"Remus," Ron smiled and leaned across the table to shake his hand. "These two said you'd been around," he added as he jerked his head to the girls. "Though they never mentioned where you've been hiding all theses years."

"_Ron!_ Don't be so rude," Hermione interjected with an apologising look at Remus.

"I'm just asking, Hermione. Honestly! There's no harm in that, is there?"

"No," Remus agreed. "I was going to go for a walk on the grounds actually. Why don't you come?" Remus offered.

It was a beautiful day and in the end Hermione and Ginny came along as well. Ron seemed glad to get Hermione away from the library and as they walked he put his arm comfortably around her waist. Remus smiled as he noticed her lean into the embrace. Young love and summer time seemed to go hand in hand.

He walked behind them with Ginny. She seemed not to notice the summer warmth and had pulled her cardigan tightly around her.

"I don't blame you," she said out of nowhere. "I know you don't want to talk about it, and I'll respect that. But I _saw_ you that night, Remus. I can figure out what happened and I just want you to know..." she stopped, the next words seemed difficult for her. "I would have done the same to protect _my_ family." She looked up at him before he could hide the grief on his face. "That's what he meant to you, didn't he?"

He simply nodded in reply to her answer. She deserved that, at least. Ginny, who it sometimes seemed, had been through more than the rest of them and yet had managed to come out of it all with a semblance of something whole.

She smiled sadly at him then caught up with Ron and Hermione. Linking arms with her brother. A moment later Remus fell into pace with them.

He found out Ron had set up a Quidditch camp for young witches and wizards. They held special classes and events throughout the year but summer was their busiest time with kids from all Britain and Ireland rolling into get tips and swap stories.

"That's not all they swap," he added with a grin. "You get a camp full of teenagers away from their parents and, well... nature starts taking it course," he frowned. "Never thought I'd be playing dad to fifty unruly Quidditch addicts, I tell you that much."

Ginny digged him in the ribs. "Shut up! You love it," his sister teased.

"It's alright," he conceded. "Better then working in the..." he frowned. "Bloody hell, what's that?" he pointed to a paddock just beside the Forbidden Forest.

Neville was rubbing down a Thestral. He waved when he heard their voices and called them over.

"Hey," he greeted. "Just collecting some samples for work," he explained when Remus noticed the vials of clear liquid in the bag slung over his shoulder. "Best to do it just after the mating."

"What the hell is it?" Ron asked. He took a step back from the creature who was taking an unhealthy interest in his jean pockets.

"It's a Thestral, Ron," Hermione reminded him. "I showed you in that book on death omens."

"Bit different in the flesh though," he frowned as he patted the creature.

"You've never seen them before?" Remus asked confused.

"No," Ron answered his eyes warily on the animal. "School closed down before our last year and... it's a bit sweaty isn't it?" he grimaced.

"You've never _seen_ them!" Remus repeated with a frown. "But... you were _there_!" Remus said and the red head's eyes turned to him.

"Where?" Ron asked.

"In the Chamber," Remus explained. "When Sirius fell, you were there." Remus knew his voice sounded frantic, pained, by the way Ron looked at him.

"Me?" Ron exclaimed. "No, I didn't make it that far." Ron shook his head. "It was Neville who was with Harry."

Remus spun around and faced Neville. "But you saw him fall, didn't you? Through the archway, you saw Sirius _fall_?"

Neville nodded, his eyes wide and frowning.

"You saw him fall and then you saw the Thestrals?" Remus clarified.

"Well..." Neville's eyes flicked to Hermione's before coming back to Remus. "No."

"What?" Remus's hand reached out and catching Neville by the arm, the man winced.

"I didn't... I could already see them," Neville explained. "Ever since my grandad-"

"And Harry knew that?" Remus asked.

"We had a class," Hermione said reaching her own hand out to touch Remus's arm. "In fifth year. Harry saw them too."

Remus let go of Neville's arm when he met her eyes. Things were falling into place. Everyone else had been Order members; had seen death before Sirius's had fallen. They had all assumed the kids had been innocents.

Cedric. Cedric Diggory, _of course_. Harry had seen death before and if you've seen one death what was to stop you raising questions when another death produced no body and no closure except for a Ministry pardon.

"That's where he's gone," Remus's eyes widened and he grabbed Hermione's arm. "Think about it Hermione. There was no body. No proof. It was only Harry and Neville who _saw_ Sirius fall!"

"What's going on?" Ginny asking, pushing passed Ron and trying to get Remus's attention.

Hermione's eyes widened. "Oh my god!" she exclaimed. "But he wouldn't..." she shook her head "He wouldn't try to..."

"Yes, he would!" Remus let her go and began running.

He heard Ron shouting, "_What's_ going on?" as Hermione chased after him.

"Where would you go-" she shouted. "Where would you go if you thought Sirius wasn't dead?"

There was a moment of silence then more running as Ron exclaimed. "Bloody hell!"

XXX

Author's note: I know. Another cliff that I leave you hanging off. I'd like to say I don't like to deliberately torture you but… meah!


	9. Chapter 8

Title: **Out of Darkness (8/9)**  
Summary: Remus Lupin has exiled himself from the wizarding world, unable to deal with the pain of the second war but a near fatal accident reacquaints him with the past and he realises that some old friends may be more in need of him than he thought.  
Archive: SB/RL mailing list, Azkaban's Lair. Anywhere else; just ask.  
Rating: PG13 - NC17 (eventually)  
Disclaimer: Unfortunately these characters do not belong to me. I am just practising my Imperius Curse on them (shhh).

Dedications: Beta thanks, as always, to Clara.

**Chapter Eight**

XXX

Hermione got them into the Ministry without any trouble and they made their way quickly to the Department of Mysteries. The whole time Remus's mind was reeling. He was questioning himself. Hoping that he was wrong, that Harry wasn't trying to do the impossible, but the more he thought about it the more it made sense. Harry had consulted Slughorn on restorative draughts. He must have been determined to stay in the Chamber as long as it took. Maybe he had even brought food with him. Surely _someone_ would have found that suspicious even if it had been the Boy Who Lived.

"Are we sure about this?" Neville asked as the elevator rattled to level nine.

"_Yes_, Neville," Ginny answered and Remus was thankful to her. He wasn't sure if his own voice would have sounded so determined.

Neville seemed to take some resolve from Ginny's words although he still looked like he was about to face a firing squad.

"This brings back memories," Ron frowned darkly when they closed the door of the Department of Mysteries antechamber behind themselves. The room spun, each door flashing by them until finally coming to a halt.

Hermione looked around. "Which one," she asked herself. "This is Hermione Granger, Ministry employee," she said in a commanding tone. "Show me the Death Chamber."

The walls shivered at her voice. The black door to Remus's left shuddered in its frame. They all looked at it as a blue glow of magic formed around its edges sending lighting sparks over the door.

Neville frowned, "It shouldn't be doing that, should it?" as he took out his wand.

"No," Ron murmured, but a moment later reached his hand through the sparks. It disappeared into murky blackness. The blue haze of magic outlining the door shot to his wrist and up Ron's arm, propelling him violently across the room and into the far wall.

He landed on the floor with a thud. Dazed but okay.

"Ron!" Hermione scolded. "What were you thinking?" she sat him up against the wall and seemed to check his eyes to make sure he was okay.

"Well, it's Harry, isn't it," Ron shrugged matter-of-factly as he rubbed his shoulder. "It's wasn't going to kill anyone. Just... keep us away." He grabbed Hermione's hand and stood up. "Fred and George did something similar to their room when they were at home. If anyone but mum or dad tried the handle they'd end up with cauliflower for ears and horseradish hair."

"He's right," Ginny added and Remus turned to see her casting her wand over the door. Checking the particulars of the spell. "Fred and George set it up so that anyone with the same blood make-up as them would be affected by the spell."

"Blood," Remus repeated.

"It's not really blood magic," Ginny said seeing Remus's frown. "This is similar," she said indicating the door with her wand. "But set to all blood types. It's not the door that's spelled. It's the force field around it that won't let anyone pass."

"So if we get the door opened some other way," Neville asked, "we can see inside?"

"No," Remus replied as he approached the door and examined it. "Didn't you see Ron's hand disappear? He must have built a Disillusionment charm it, as well."

Remus reached forward as if to push the door.

"Remus," Ginny warned, her voice alarmed as she laid a hand on his arm.

He looked at her. "You said its blood based... about blood type," he added when he saw her about to argue.

"I think so, but-"

Holding his breath, he reached his hand out. It too disappeared into the blackness and he could feel the smooth door against his palm. He waited but nothing happened.

He turned to see the confused look on Ginny's face and simply said "Werewolf" by means of explanation. Not moving his hand, for fear of his theory being wrong, he turned to Hermione, "Get Kingsley, he knows the situation," he told her. "Bring McCrimmon as well," he added. "Between the six of you, get this down," he ordered, nodding his head at the door.

"Remus, what if-" Hermione stopped, her face full of concern.

"He's fine," he told her. He looked at Ginny and added. "Anything else we can fix."

He faced the door again. Taking a calming breath to prepare himself for what he might see; he pushed the door open and stepped through.

XXX

Voldemort's body crumpled to the ground. It fell so easily Remus was sure it was an act. A show put on for his and Harry's benefit.

The Dark Lord could not be defeated with a _simple_ Killing Curse.

Remus couldn't move. His brain trying desperately to process everything that had happened. He only looked up again when Harry placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Are you okay?" the boy asked. He frowned when he saw the blood seeping from Remus's left side. "Can you stand?"

Remus nodded and enduring the pain coursing through him, he got to his feet.

"You're injured."

"So are you," Remus added, his eyes raking over the cuts on Harry's face and arms. Through his shredded t-shirt Remus could seeing a new scar on Harry's chest. It was no bigger than an inch or two, just where the locket would have rested against his skin. It looked like the boy had been branded. "Harry, what-"

"What happened?" Harry finished when Remus's words simply evaporated into the night. "I'm sorry, Remus. I couldn't tell you. I couldn't tell _anyone_, it was too risky."

"You found the locket," Remus added, looking at the Horcux grasped in Harry's hand.

"Dung actually," Harry smiled momentarily but it soon faded. "I'm didn't mean to get you involved like this," he said, his face anxious, "but I needed someone I could trust in case things didn't go the way we'd planned and Kingsley would have just turned him in straight away."

"_Turned him in_?" Remus repeated and from behind Harry a darkly clad form moved towards them; his figure emotionless. A flick of his wand and Remus's felt the pain in his ribs subside.

"You'll need to get him to Mungo's," Severus ordered, casting his eyes at the scene around him. "I'll stay here until-"

"No," Harry answered plainly. "You're still a wanted man."

"Thanks to _who?_" Severus charged, his eyes harsh as they turned to Harry.

Remus felt for his wand as he looked at his old classmate. "You think you don't deserve it for killing Dum-"

His words were cut Severus's wand under his chin. "_Do not_ finish what you were thinking, Lupin!" he warned. "Or you'll be going to Mungo's with _more_ than some broken ribs."

"Do you have your wand, Remus?" Harry asked as he placed himself between the two men.

Remus nodded, his eyes not leaving Snape's face.

"Apparate to Mungo's," Harry said. "I'll be there soon."

"I'm not dying, Harry! I deserve an explanation."

Harry looked at the scene around them and the slowly drying blood on Remus's robes and seemed to make a quick decision.

"After Dung took the stuff from Grimmauld Place I went to check what was missing. We'd seen the locket before and couldn't open it, but this time I _knew_ what it was because of Dumbledore. I couldn't break it myself but there was no need for anyone else to know. It might only put them in danger. We needed to find the other Horcruces before it became important, anyway. No one seemed to notice when I changed the fake one for the real."

"The observation skills of the Order never cease to astound me!" Severus criticised.

Harry raised his hand to silence the old Potions master before he continued. "It was only after the meeting about Ravenclaw's wand I knew I had to do something; make a decision about how to destroy it. We couldn't use the Killing curse because of the power of the Horcrux itself - look what happened to Dumbledore's hand - but if Voldmort cast it himself... I thought that would work. You can't cast a Killing Curse on yourself, just as you can't strangle yourself, but his soul was _so_ alien to him, had been out of his body for years, that it wouldn't be until after the Horcrux was destroyed that he would realise what happened. All I had to do was get him to cast the Curse on me," Harry smiled. "Once I was wearing the locket it would find his slice of soul first and destroy it."

"That's what the backlash was," Remus reasoned. "The spell was kicking out at the caster, realising what it had done?"

"I had hoped _that_ in itself would kill him," Harry said. "But I hadn't bet on it."

"That's why you asked me to finish him," Remus realised, his eyes widening. "You weren't sure if you'd survive."

Harry took a breath as if about to continue but was interrupted.

"No," Severus said stonily. "That was in case _I_ didn't do it," he dark eyes flicked to Harry. "Am I right?"

Harry looked from Remus to Severus and nodded.

"I would never have thought you so calculating," Snape charged and it almost sounded like a compliment.

"You trusted him," Remus scolded. "After _all_ he's done!"

"Didn't you _hear_ the boy, Lupin!" Severus snarled. "He _didn't_ trust me. He trusted _you_." Severus's dark eyes bored into him. The hate and anger in them firing at Remus before he stalked away to disarm to the other fallen Death Eaters.

"How could you?" Remus asked Harry, his voice low. "Severus!"

"Remus," Harry said, his voice filled with concern. "I've told you what you need to know. There's not enough time to explain everything! _Please_ go to Mungo's."

For the first time in months, something Harry said actually made him sound like a boy of seventeen rather than a leader in war. It made Remus stop and think.

"You'll be okay?" Remus asked, reaching his right hand out to Harry's shoulder.

"Once Severus is gone, I'll call the Aurors. Then I'll come to you in Mungo's, okay?"

Remus nodded and before he realised what he was doing, he pulled Harry into a sincere if clumsy hug. His side ached at the contact but a moment later, he could feel Harry begin to shake with emotion. His own emotions not far from the surface but the pain he was feeling seemed to be overwhelming them for the moment.

Harry pulled back. "Sorry," he said, his eyes glistening in the darkness. "I guess I'm just... _surprised_." He rubbed he hand across his forehead. "It's finally over."

"It is, isn't it?" Remus replied and couldn't help but feel himself smile.

Remus glanced over Harry's shoulder and could see Severus taking the wand from the first Death Eaters he Stunned. There was more of the story he still had to be told but it could wait.

"I'll go now," he said to Harry.

With a grimace, he took his wand into his right hand to Apparate.

Out of the corner of hit eye, he saw a jet of red hit Severus in the chest sending him unconscious to the ground. Remus pushed Harry aside instinctively, his wand pointed at the black figure that was turning frantically towards the two of them.

The hood flew back, revealing Bellatrix Lestrange.

Remus's body filled with fear and rage as he watched her eyes rake over the lifeless corpse of her _immortal_ Lord.

"I'll kill you, _boy_," she said, turning to Remus and Harry stood on the far side of the circle. Her voice high and savage. It cut through whatever physical pain Remus was feeling and pierced at the heart of him. He felt a pain altogether different from that pulsing in his skin and before he knew what was happening a jet of green light surrounded her and she fell to the ground. Her wandless hand stretched lifeless over her master's heart.

Remus turned to see Harry staring at him. Surprise and terror ripping through his face. It was only then Remus realised his own wand was the one pointing at Bellatrix. His own mouth that had formed the Curse.

"You _have_ to go, Remus," Harry ordered as he looked from Remus to the body of Bellatrix . "You have to go _now_!"

"To Mungo's?" Remus asked, his own voice sounding distant.

"_No!_" Harry said as if this should have been obvious. "Remus... they'll check your wand. They won't care what _really_ happened. With all the stunts Greyback and his gang have been pulling. You'll just be a werewolf who cast an Unforgivable." Harry's hands were on Remus's shoulders now, his voice strong, the voice of a leader again.

"You need to get away from here," Harry said. His eyes flickered to Remus's side. "Get to Ginny. She'll heal you the best she can, then you have to disappear. I'll take care of everything," he added at the look on Remus's face. "Go... _NOW_!"

A moment later Remus pulled his wand up and Apparated away. If he had known how long he would be running, he would never have left that night.

XXX

It felt as if he'd stepped into thick black smog. Every sign of light and life disappeared. He couldn't see his own wand hand, which a moment ago had been stretched before him. The noise of the antechamber and the others disappeared and there was only the void of sound surrounding him. It was one of the most unnatural things he had ever experienced, and that was saying something. He couldn't feel the ground under his feet but his brain told him that it was still there.

He tried taking another step forward, then another, and finally emerged at the top of the stone pit in the Death Chamber. The smog dissipating as the room became clear.

It was darker than he had expected but he could still make out the dais and the crumbling archway twenty feet below him. The corner of his eyes itched and he wondered if it was an after effect of the smog.

At the foot of the dais were a number of scattered items, stacks of books, a bundle of robes and a small opened satchel with vials and bottles sticking out. He began to make his way down the stone steps, his footfalls echoing loudly around the room. It was only then he realised the bundle of clothes was moving.

With a few leaps, he landed beside the form and turned it to meet long forgotten eyes.

"Harry."

Tired green eyes blinked at him and Remus smiled when he saw the confusion there.

"Remus?" Harry asked, sounding as if he didn't trust his own eyes and ears.

"Yes, Harry. It's me," Remus soothed.

"I don't know," Harry said, half sitting up and backing himself away from Remus. "I've been having... dreams, I suppose you'd call them."

Remus took a closer look at the items around them. A few drained potion bottles, Harry's glasses, but no real food.

"When was the last time you ate?" Remus asked as he looked back at Harry.

"I dunno," Harry said pulling his robes around him. "What date is it?"

"Here," Remus searched in his pockets and came up with an old bar of Odgen's Oatmeal Occasions. He held it out to Harry, "eat this. You must be starving."

Harry smiled but didn't reach out. "The first time we met you gave me chocolate."

"The first time you _remember_," Remus corrected, pushing the bar into Harry's hand. "On the train."

"Yeah," Harry agreed. "Before I knew about Sirius."

"Before we both knew," Remus said and they fell silent for a moment.

Harry didn't open the bar in his hand and. He must have been starving but he wouldn't die if he didn't eat _right_ this moment so Remus felt there was no point in pushing him.

"Is that why you're here?" Remus asked finally. "For Sirius."

"What else." Harry opened his clouded eyes and looked at Remus. "Isn't that why you're here?"

"No, Harry," Remus answered, surprised by the question. "I'm here for _you!_ The others are waiting outside."

"I'm not leaving without him!" Harry said, a slight panic in his tone. He made to stand but either his legs were too weak or he didn't have the energy.

"Harry, he's..." Remus took a deep breath. "I know what you might have happened here... but he _is_ gone."

"He's _not_, Remus," Harry said now, his eyes wide and unequivocal. "I thought that too, but its _not_ true. There's no proof."

"Harry, the Ministry pardoned him," Remus reasoned. "Dumbledore explained-"

"Dumbledore didn't _know_ Sirius," Harry nearly screamed. "He locked him up all over again when all Sirius _wanted_ to do was be helpful. To be part of things." Harry turned his head away. "At first, I believed he was dead. I listened to Dumbledore and Hermione and Ron and _you_!" he spat. "Just another name to add to the list of people who died for me, right?" he rubbed his forehead, becoming emotional.

"Look..." Harry pulled a book from behind him and flicked a few pages. He frowned and rubbed his eyes before handing it to Remus.

"Page seventy-four," he said. "Third paragraph."

Remus looked from Harry to the book and turned a few pages until he found the text.

_Traditionally, death occurs when the body and soul are separated. The body remains behind and the soul continues on to the spirit world (for alternate soul destinations see Wisp's 1874 study _You're The Reason I'm Leaving_). Although most direct forms of death are unavoidable (see Killing Curse pg 234) there are some accounts (the author must stress they are _very_ rare) of witches and wizards evading death and passing over by means not commonly discussed. Means by which they remain the complete and undivided whole of themselves. In cases such as this, it is theoretically possible for them to return to this sphere of existence and continue their life as if never interrupted. In order for a successful return, the body and soul of the witch or wizard in question must not be parted. In other words, if the person dies by natural means or by most, if not all, known magical mean, a 'resurrection' is impossible. _

Remus frowned. He turned to the book's cover. _Moste Deadly Deaths and the Killer Killings_.

"Harry, this isn't exactly the most-"

"Keep reading," Harry instructed his hand pointing to an anonymous part of the book.

However_, if the passing complies with all criteria of Perpes' Law it is possible to enact a rebirth to bring the body and soul back intact._

The theory continued but gave no definitive directions on how this 'rebirth' could be carried out.

"Harry, I can see why you'd think-"

"There's no research on the Veil, nothing solid, nothing to suggest Sirius can't come back."

"Harry, these... _rebirths_," Remus held up the book at the word. "They're the stuff of fiction."

Harry picked up another book and handed it to Remus.

"That's _Break on Through_, isn't it?" he asked, his hand still resting on the cover.

Remus looked down at the cover and let out a sigh. "Yes."

"Turn to page forty-three."

Remus shook his head and was about to argue when a thought struck him.

"Harry, why aren't you wearing your glasses?"

Harry turned his head away. "My eyes are tired," he said quickly. "That one talks more about the Perpes' Law and all the criteria fits what happened to Sirius," Harry continued with his eyes diverted.

"Look at me, Harry," Remus said, laying the book aside.

"I'm just tired, Remus," Harry argued but Remus grabbed him by the chin and turned Harry's face to meet his.

Remus had thought Harry's eyes looked clouded with emotion before but now he saw a definite opaqueness to them. A milky sheen that reminded Remus's of his Muggle grandmother who had developed cataracts in later life.

"What happened?" Remus asked, holding his own voice steady as he wondered exactly how much sight Harry had left.

"Nothing," Harry said, trying to pull his face away. "It was just one of the spells. It didn't work," he added as if this wasn't obvious.

"And you lost your _sight_ to it!"

"I can still _see_, Remus!" Harry said rudely, this time pulling Remus's hand away from his chin. "And it would've been _worth it _to have him back."

"He wouldn't want this, Harry? It's _too_ much. You're going to end up killing yourself and it'll be for _nothing_."

"_It won't be for nothing_," Harry shouted, finally managing to get to his feet in an effort to get away from Remus. "He's _NOT - DEAD_! He's stuck in that thing," he pointed in the general direction of The Veil. "He's living in some kind of hell! Screaming every day to be set free! I'm _not_ going to stop until I do it."

"Until you _kill_ yourself, Harry?" Remus shouted. "Because _that's_ the only way you're going to see him again." Remus hadn't meant to say this but he couldn't see any other way to get through to the boy. He caught his own thoughts then because for the first time he realised he wasn't talking to a boy anymore.

"You think you can't just come back here after disappearing for years and tell me what to do. I thought _you'd_ understand," Harry argued. "You of _all_ people."

"Why? Because he was my friend?" Remus shook his head confused.

"No, because you killed for him, for revenge."

Remus stopped in his tracks at that. Harry was the only one who knew he had killed Bellatrix. The only one who could possibly confront him with his own actions.

"Don't, Harry," Remus said, his voice shaking.

"_Why_?" Harry spat. "You argue with me over a few potions, a few spells, when _you're_ the one who held me back from killing her in the first place."

"And you think you would have killed her? At fifteen."

"_At fifteen?_" Harry repeated sarcastically. "I'd already faced Voldemort _three times_ by then. Already seen my parents killed, my school mates. He'd been _in my head_, in my _dreams_!" Harry shook his head. "I would have done it for Sirius. He was the only one that cared for me. That loved me for _who_ I am, not _what_. Sirius, my mum and my dad. _They_ were the ones that loved me," he said angrily. "And I loved them," he added as if to prove something.

"I loved them _too, _Harry. You think you have some kind of monopoly on that?" Remus asked trying to keep his voice calm. "That it gives you some _right_ to act like this? To risk your _own_ life when there are other people who love you _just_ as much?"

"They don't _know_ me! Everyone just sees me a being this kid who killed Voldemort."

"Is that what you think we see?" Remus asked in disbelief. "Is that what you think Hermione and Ron see?... What Ginny sees?" Remus moved towards him now. "They're just things you've done, Harry. They're not _who_ you are."

"You don't know what it's like, okay!" Harry turned away as if he couldn't look at Remus anymore.

"I don't know what it's like?" Remus repeated unconvinced. "I don't know what it's like to have my world crash down around me, is that it, Harry? What it's like to lose the only people, outside of my parents, who truly loved me. The only people who looked beyond the scars and saw the boy underneath. I don't know what it's like to love someone so much, that you would do _anything_ to protect them. Anything to bring them back from the hell they'd lived in." Remus stopped, his breathing heavy in his ears. "Don't _dare_ act like you're the only one who's ever felt like this, Harry. I lost the only friends I knew when I was younger than you are now but I _learned_ that there were other reasons to go on. _Other_ people who loved me."

"Like who?" Harry asked, his back still to Remus but his head turned.

"My parents, for one."

Harry snorted. "Doesn't really work for me, does it?"

"They still love you, Harry," Remus pushed. "The people who love you never really leave you. And there are more people, just outside that door, who love you too. They have proven that repeatedly... and they're only here to help you."

Harry shoulders slumped and when he spoke, his voice was shaking. "Who?"

"Hermione and Ron, of course," Remus said with a smile. "And Ginny."

Harry turned away again. "She _can't_ love me."

"I don't think you can stop her," Remus replied with a half smile.

"No, I mean she _can't!"_ he shook his head. "She deserves more than this. With me she'd have to put up with a lifetime of nightmares."

"This isn't you, Harry." Remus placed a hand on Harry's arm. "You're grieving."

Harry looked at him. "Grieving? After all this time," he frowned.

"Yes, after all this time," Remus explained. "For Sirius. For your parents."

"I used to be angry at them," Harry confessed in a whisper. "When I was living with the Dursleys. Before I knew about Hogwarts. I used to get angry that they'd died and left me there."

"They forgive you, Harry. They still love you," Remus smiled.

"He's... he's really gone, isn't he?" Harry asked, his face crumbling under the words. "I've spent the last three years trying to get him back and..." He slumped onto one of the stone benches. His shoulders falling with weariness. "I tried everything, Remus. Everything I could find and nothing has worked."

"That's- that's because he's not coming back," Remus said feeling his own grief tightening around his chest.

"I've never felt like this before," Harry admitted. "I feel responsible for _everyone_ that died in the war, because I was meant to be The One, wasn't I? But Sirius... He didn't die because of Voldemort or a Death Eater, not really. He died because of _me_."

Remus put his hand on Harry's back. "No, Harry he was protecting you. That's all he ever wanted to do. If he hadn't been there, we would have been outnumbered. Things would have been a lot worse."

"When I first starting thinking about that day. When I realised Neville could always see the Thestrals. I came here. I sat on this step," Harry said, raising his head. "And I could hear him. Like he was standing right next to me." Harry blinked and looked up at the archway. "I heard his voice in The Veil."

Remus looked from Harry to the Veil, trying to mask his surprise. "You did?"

"Yeah," Harry laughed. "That's why I thought I could bring him back. A part of me still does." He turned his head and looked at Remus. "I've never talked to anyone about this. Do you think I'm... going mad?"

"It's grief, Harry," Remus counselled, though he felt distracted by Harry's words. "Maybe if I'd been here-"

"No," Harry said lightly. "You had to go." He reached a hand out and held Remus's shoulder. Harry smiled bitterly. "You know they just assumed _I'd _killed Him." He shook his head. "The Aurors showed up and seen me... scarred and bloodied... and Voldemort's body lying there... just _assumed_ I'd done it all on my own."

"And Severus?" Remus asked.

"He..." Harry smiled. "All those years in school, I never thought I'd protect him the way I did that night." Harry shook his head. "We had our plan. I told him to leave, ordered him, in fact. I think he might have laughed in my face. I wasn't very coherence to be honest. The curse had hit me harder than I'd first realised. The scar," his hand went to his chest, "was more powerful than I'd imagined. A piece of Voldemort's soul had wrapped around me. He waited until just before the Aurors came. I was half-conscious and babbling. MLE took me to Mungo's. I didn't wake up until a week later. They arrested Severus two days after that. They got a tip about some Death Eaters leaving the country. Severus was one of them. I think he was the one who tipped off the MLE." Harry stopped. His breathing shallow. "He might have killed Dumbledore but-"

"I know, Harry," Remus interrupted. "I talked to Albus. I know about The Unbreakable Vow and the choice Albus made; the sacrifice." He smiled. "A very _Albus_ choice, if I must say. I don't think I could have done what Severus did."

They sat there for a few moments. Remus's hand gently soothing Harry's back.

"Are they going to be able to open the door?" Remus asked when it seemed Harry had calmed down enough.

"No," Harry said. "I have to go back through-" He turned to Remus, as if only realising he must have gotten through the door. "How did you..." he didn't finish his sentence but the look on his face said it all.

"Didn't think about half-breeds, did you?" Remus said, his smile hiding the pain behind it.

Harry's face dropped slightly, "I don't think of you like that, Remus," he said.

"I know," Remus smiled. "You go ahead," he continued. "I'll collect your things and follow behind.

Harry nodded and got to his feet. His gaze rested on the archway for a few moments before he began to walk up the stone steps.

"Remus," he said, turning halfway. "It's good to talk to you. To have you back."

Remus didn't loose the smile on his face until the dark-haired man disappeared through the door. Once he was on his own, he took a steadying breath.

When he turned to pick up Harry's things his eyes fell on The Veil. Harry said he had heard Sirius's voice. Remus wasn't even sure if this was possible.

He walked towards it and placed his right hand on the archway as if to stop himself from going too far.

They were just whispers, one indefinable from the other. A soft wind brushed down his left side and he leaned a little closer until one voice became louder than the others. It's tone solemn.

Remus felt his chest tightening with pain.

Against the silence of the Death Chamber the familiar voice simply said, "Remus?"

XXX

Author's note: Thanks to the small group of you who seem to be following this. Much love is being felt. Next chapter warrants the NC-17 rating so keep your pants on and enjoy the ride. ;-)


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